GOD FILTER MY THOUGHTS 1

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Oh Lord filter my thoughts
I feel
All
These
Destructive
Selfish
Thoughts
Ever since my baby left
I want to give up
And give in to my sadness
That seems to be swallowing me whole
I feel lost
In all these emotions
That beat down my heart
That has turned cold
These cold icicles
Keep pricking my heart with no mercy or retribution
Thoughts are haunting
My unsettled
Mind
Heart
Body
Soul

WEEKLY PHOTO CHALLENGE – SOLITUDE

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Photo by griefpoetry

When all you want to do is watch cows graze because you have so much grief that cannot be spoken with words.

The land cannot understand how much emotion has been filled inside my heart that is bubbling.

I want my solitude yet humans will not let me rest my aching heart that needs to be alone

So I watched the cows graze and there I found my solitude, my needed Solitude.

via Photo Challenge: Solitude

QUOTE – DAVID PLATT

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“There is a unique PAIN that comes from preparing a place in your HEART for a child that NEVER COMES”

David Platt

GRIEF POETRY

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When grief comes
It gets you not ready for it
It finds you on the floor
It hits you in the gut
It destroys your soul
When grief stays
It keeps you on the floor
It feeds you with doubt after doubt
It makes you obsolete
It renders you helpless
It grips at your heart like steel
When grief leaves
It leaves that space
It gives you that hollow echo
It still takes your heart away
It stains your love
It still marks you as lost
Grief
We all find it somehow
Or it finds us somewhat
It favors no one
It seeks out everyone
Grief makes you lost
Yet grief will make you
Grief is still here
Grief can hold you
Grief Poetry
Let it in
Then let it go

SPEAKING TO AN EMPTY WOMB

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I have such an Overwhelming heaviness in my chest

I can feel it literally sitting on me

My eyes are full of tears

That I do not want to let fall

I cry alone

When no one is watching me

I cried really hard

It has been a while since I cried

That much

That hard

That long

I needed to unswallow this hard stone

That has lodged itself down my throat

Now into my chest till my stomach hurts

I don’t want to be without you my baby

They say it gets better

All lies

When will this darkness end

I have no faith anymore

Faith in myself

Faith in my life

Faith in God

Where does that leave me

I am only left speaking to an empty womb

I want to move forward

Yet pain of loosing you is stuck inside my being

This womb that held you within me

Now cries that you left too soon

How do I heal it

When I have no strength to even be angry

Emptiness

Emptiness

Emptiness

I can hear it echo in my entire body, soul, heart

Where does that leave me

CRY WHEN NOBODY IS WATCHING

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Cry when nobody is watching
Or listening
She told her heart

He had left her frailed
Unable to love again
Afraid to let laughter
In her heart
Or the Hope of tenderness
He left her empty

Cry when nobody is watching
Or listening
She told her soul

Her parents left her broken
Unable to trust again
Afraid to let comfort
In her soul
Or faith of an embrace
They left her dejected

Cry when nobody is watching
Or listening
She told her mind

Her baby left her shattered
Unable to wish again
Afraid to let dreams
In her mind
Or expectation of a future
Baby left her destroyed

Cry when nobody is watching
Or Listening
She told her body

IN MY SON’S EYES

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I felt your first kick when I was eating chocolate
It felt so unreal yet beautiful I shed a tear
Your long awaited moment
I felt it in my heart
I knew with everything in my being
That you were a boy
Shhhh! It’s our little secret I smiled to myself
You were made in a moment that way full of so many emotions
Your daddy and I argued that night
Harsh words were said
Wine stained our carpet
We never bought another one
It is a reminder of where you were conceived
I smile wickedly and pleasantly shiver at the memory
You are so loved my dear son

In my son’s EYES
A carefree smile that draws you instantly
I want to get lost in them and never leave
In those eyes I find contentment without a doubt

In my son’s FINGERS
I want to input strength when I hold
Caress my face with them when I’ m having a bad day
Smile when they reach out to touch my face softly
Fingers that I helped create inside my womb

At my son’s FEET
I will be proud when he takes his first steps
Wobbling but learning to take those steps
Those feet will walk and I will be proud to call him my son

In my son’s WORDS
I will know kindness, forgiveness, excitement
Those words will fill my heart with peace when I hear him speak
Words that soothe my tired mind
Explode my heart with impeccable happiness

In my son’s HEART
I stay like a home I never want to leave
A heart that will be full of compassion, gratitude, love
A heart that I will love till my dying days

In my son’s WISDOM
I will know immeasurable giving
Learn to tolerate repeated corrections
Know that gentleness is worth everything
Loving is simple and uncomplicated
A wisdom I will help impart the best way I know how

In my son’s LOVE
I bask in the glow and splendor of it
A pure undiluted perfect love
Love that gives without expecting
Love because love is medicine
Precious, fulfilling even

In my son’s EMBRACE
I will know beautiful warmth
Comfort beyond measure
When he hugs me
I will experience a little bit of Heaven on earth

In my son’s EYES
I see me