DREAMING OF LIFE WITHOUT PAIN

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No one ever prepares you for pain
No one ever tells you
That pain
Will break you
Pain has a way of changing you
Mostly never for good
You will run away from it
But
It will catch on and latch at your raw wound
Like you owe it some penance
My pain
Their pain
Pain is just that, pain
Life never prepares you for pain
You always think you can skid through it unhurt
Come out on the other side stronger
Triumphant and better, maybe you do
As for me I don’t think I will ever get over this pain
I knew of a happier time
When i held my belly and smiled
Knowing that God trusted me enough
To drop a tiny human being inside me to help in His creation
I pictured happiness
Bliss
Contentment
Peace
Motherhood
After all conflicting emotions I had settled looking forward
To tiny fingers holding my hand
Loud cries waking me up at 2 am
Twitching my nose at dirty diapers
Yet relishing in the much hallo-ed title of mom
I keep feeling like its all a replay of someone else’s life
Me watching a slow classic black and white movies
Stuck on a single scene that keeps on rewinding
No one ever prepares you for pain
Life never prepares you for pain
…the pain of loosing a child

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