MY HEART STILL BEATS FOR TWO

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I hear it pump blood
So hard
So fast
In the same rhythm
As if you were still there
My heart has no mind of its own
It does not know that you left
It knows not
That it does not have to beat for two
My superpower
Would have been being your mum
I would have loved you endlessly
I would have fed you tirelessly
I would have changed your diaper unreservedly
I would have soothed your cold restlessly
I would have watched you crawl without end
I would have watched you crush on your first cute girl
They would all have been wrong for you
I would let you rest your tired head on my laps
And let them call you mama’s boy
I would have come to your graduations without fail
By God’s grace
I would have watched you marry the woman of your dreams
Then held and spoilt all my grandkids
My heart beating for two
Reminds me one part of me is missing
Yet I have to survive it somehow
Without any Superpower

DEAR NATHAN

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I have lost myself in grief
Grief that has astounded my mind
Caused my soul to perish in disbelief
All known associations of reality
Shattered in the abys of grievous emotions
I feel like I want to escape
Drown myself in deep clenching sorrow
Dance with the lost pains of centuries

Dear Nathan
My boy
My little man

I have let myself disappear in grief
Grief that has crumbled my heart
Caused my mind to stammer in shock
All known memories of realism
Devastated in the depths of laments
I feel like I want to run away
Sink myself in profound unhappiness
Dance with the sorrowfullness of an era

Dear Nathan
My boy
My little man

Death uprooted you from my life
Before I held you in my arms
I cannot yet speak of loosing you
I choose to Hideout in all this pain
So again I will write my sodden grief
In this letter for you

Dear Nathan
My boy
My little man
Mama loves