It feels so hard just sitting here feeling like a failure. Why doesn’t my fortune change, why are there obstacles upon obstacles in my life? Baby, I realize now that you are in a better place. Away from all the hurts, pains, disappointments, and fears. I wish you would have taken me away with you. Now I wouldn’t be drowning in this loneliness, sorrow, heart break and pain. I feel jealous you are happy in Heaven, I on the other hand am not okay baby. I am drowning in my own sorrows that have refused to let me go. Clutching at my throat, especially my heart, so bad it hurts terrribly.

I wonder how you are up there. I know your Father is taking good care of you. I wish I had the chance to take care of you. Love you. Feed you. Clothe you. Sing for you. Play with you. Sleep next to you. I wish all that baby… and so much more…

I will not cry anymore. That is a lie my heart will not accept. Tears well in my eyes writing this. Then they drop. Because it is so unreal, yet so real at the same time. Where do I go from here… after I am healed, then what baby? Will I even heal? Maybe I don’t want to heal. So that your pain in my heart can remind me you really were present in my life. For a second. And then you were gone. Gone from me. Gone from my hands, and gone forever… I Hesitate for a moment, but then tears still fall… again…



  1. It’s okay to cry, it takes time. And that time requires you to feel every single emotion that arises. Even if the pain might never go, there’ll come a day when it’ll bring you a smile in replacement of the tears. Stay strong and Safe healing beautiful 💕

    Liked by 1 person

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