TEN YEARS MOTHER

dear-mother

I have not forgotten you mother

Ten years have passed
Ten years without your love
Ten years missing your laughter
Ten years crying for your loss
Ten years not holding you
Ten years not laying on your chest
Ten years not hearing your advice

I have not forgotten you mother

Ten years I have yearned for you
Ten years I have missed you
Ten years I have been alone
Ten years I have cried so much
Ten years I have lost my direction
Ten years I have not talked to you
Ten years I have held myself

I have not forgotten you mother

Ten years you are still with me
Ten years you live in my heart
Ten years you speak in my dreams
Ten years you exist in my memories
Ten years you dwell in my mind
Ten years you stay in my soul
Ten years you abide in my brain

I have not forgotten you mother

Ten years of silently wishing you home
Ten years of words said in your memory
Ten years of still questioning my reality
Ten years of wanting the same thing, you
Ten years of  Nervous tear stained pillow
Ten years of creating a wall in my heart
Ten years of covering myself with rain

I have not forgotten you mother

Now you get to meet your grandson
My baby is up there with you mother
I miss you both
More than you will ever know
Ten years, mother, it’s been ten years
I need to survive another ten
Without you and my baby

AGAIN

beautiful-nature

I feel sweat dripping down my chest
Sun beaten forehead
Hair sprinkled with red dust
Feet immersed in orange soil
On this journey
Searching for purpose
The real meaning of existence
Why am I here
Self keeps questioning solemnly
No one said dust would settle soon
Swallowing specks of insect parts
Tongue tasting like earth
I have been long forgotten
Self proclaims soddenly
Salty taste of sweat drops
Reminds me draught is coming
Tomorrow, maybe tomorrow
I shall begin again

FEELING STUCK

bike-stuck

I feel
Stuck
In
This
Moment

Wind
Shifting

Giving
Space
To
Dust

My life
Unmoving

In
That
Season

Moon
Stopped
Yawning

Life unending
Unmoving

HAPPY WOMAN’S DAY

Happy-Womens-Day-Facebook-DP

A woman is a Mother
A mother is a Woman
I celebrate you Mother
I celebrate you Woman
You have been made strong
Able to endure hardship
Hold hope in the hands
When there’s nothing but air
I applaud you Mother
I applaud you Woman
You who sacrifice yourself
So your child can have it all
You who hold the foundation of life
From its foundation a house stands
Because you hold it firm, strong
You who run the household
Even when fever runs down your brow
I love you Mother
I love you Woman
Every Woman deserves her day
To honour life in its glory
Happy INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

I HAVE MAKEUP ON

crying-woman-katrina-botell

I can’t cry
I have makeup on
It seemed silly thinking that
As I sat in a vehicle full of people
Truth be told
I wanted to let the tears fall
I wanted to wail my f@#*ing voice off
I was angry
Angry at the world
For taking my baby away
Who does that
Take something that’s precious to you
Without thinking of your pain
The pain they are inflicting on you
I’m pissed off at the universe
For making me a grieving mother
For driving a hole deep into my flesh
Leaving scars unmentionable
I just can’t breath
Because of all the metals of grief sticking out of my soul
Maybe I should just let the makeup get ruined by tears
I have no baby
I get to cry whenever, wherever I want
It’s not my fault I have pain