I will be fine my baby
Not today
Not tomorrow
Not even next month
Or year
But I will get there
Where it hurts less
I will forget the pain
Yet I can never forget you
I may forget the heartache
Forget the memories
Of when you left me
But I will never forget when you came to me
Luckily mummy will be fine
Because you forever live in my heart
The line down my belly button
Is still there
I won’t want it to go away
Because it is a reminder of you
My tummy is still not flat
I won’t want it to disappear too fast
Because that was your home
My back still aches sometimes
It feels lonely without the weight
Mummy will be fine baby
Not today
Not tomorrow
Not even next month
Or year
But I will get there


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My heart is filled with jealousy
Jealousy of a mother
Who has no child in her arms
I keep asking why
Why me
Why was my baby taken away from me
Why was I not given time with him
Why did he not stay
My heart burns with jealousy
Jealousy of a woman
Who has no baby in her hands
I keep wondering why
Why me
Why was my child removed away from me
Why was I not given moments with him
Why did he leave
My heart burns with jealousy
Jealousy of a parent
Who has no son in her embrace
I keep wondering why
Why me
Why was my child carried away from me
Why was I not given space with him
Why did he disappear

I wrestle with my jealous heart
Wondering when I will heal
When your memory baby
Will not abrasively hurt my heart
When will seeing a mother with child
Not make me so angry at the world
Or angry at her
For having her own child
When will these jealous emotions not be so aggresive
When child, when


versatile-blogger-award (1)I’m so honored to have been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by Zoe. Thank you so much for considering me for this. Writing has always been my go to whenever I have any given emotion to put out there. And to know that I have touched someone with my simple words is just an amazing feeling that keeps you motivated to write more. Zoe is a fellow blogger whose blog is filled with motivational articles and great quotes that speak to your heart. make sure you check her out at Hope Dream Wait and see for yourself what I am talking about. So the rules are simple:


If you are nominated, you’ve been awarded the Versatile Blogger award.

  •  Thank the person who gave you this award.
  •  Include a link to their blog.
  •  Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly. ( I would add, pick blogs or bloggers that are excellent!)
  •  Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — you might include a link to this site.
  •  Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

Thanks Zoe for this nomination. You’re such a darling for this. Like I said don’t forget to visit her amazing blog!


My nominees for the Versatile Blog Award goes to:

  1. Words in The Light
  2. My Loud Bipolar Whispers
  3. Thoughts Of Words
  4. Aweni
  5. lifesfinewhine
  6. Settle in El Paso
  7. Ramjet Poetry
  8. Clumsy And Silly
  9. Thoughts of Sheryl
  10. John Coyote
  11. Yaskhan
  12. LadyLebz
  13. Love It Now
  14. These Things I Write
  15. Eyes Plus Words


7 Random Things About Me

  1. I love the smell of earth when it rains. Have you ever just sat outside when it wants to start raining and all of a sudden when it does there is this yummy smell of the earth once the rain falls on dry soil. What! I always want to lick up the soil, that smell is just too delicious to ignore. I could sit outside for hours on end. I love that smell and live to smell it whenever it pours. Rain should fall now, pleeease!
  2. I have a fear of small spaces. Hence my fear of drowning. I don’t really like small squeezed spaces that I feel like I cannot breathe. I want my space to be filled with lots of air, clean abundant air. I never like to enter elevators when there are a lot of people, I just start to hyperventilate feeling like the walls are closing in. I love to swim, and I do swim but there is always that fear of drowning that keeps me from going into the deep end of the pool, an ocean, don’t even get me started. Whenever I watch a scene in a movie/ series where someone is drowning I start to feel like I’m suffocating too! I should try and overcome this.
  3. I’m a CHOCOHOLIC. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, I can never get enough of this sweet food of the gods, as it was once known. Chocolate for me is my indulgence, cure, food, dessert, best friend, pretty much everything. Give me chocolate, you have my heart. My favorite is Cadbury’s Rum&Raisin and Fruit&Nut
  4. I love nature. Nothing beats being out in nature, breathing the fresh crisp air especially in the early morning. For me nature is kind of therapeutic, especially after a hard day in the traffic filled loud city noises. The beauty of nature is just profound and gives you that relaxed awesome feeling of being closer to God.
  5. Azariah Nathan was my first baby. Being pregnant was the best feeling that I have ever had that I cannot explain or put it in words. Being pregnant for the first time is both exciting and scary, you tend to feel so many emotions that are scattered that you feel overwhelmed. Loosing my baby boy is the hardest thing in the world, I miss him and wish we had more time together. He will always be my first born no matter what the future holds.
  6. I’m OBSESSED with motorbikes. I can’t really explain where this obsession came from but I have always had a thing about motorbikes. Maybe it’s all the Bollywood movies that I watched while growing up, but those mean machines make me weak in the knees. Suffice to say one of my bucket list adventures is to drive a motorbike, those pimped up ones that are crazy and awesome!
  7. I’m a great cook. I have always loved to cook even when I was younger till now, because the best part of cooking is…EATING. I love art which I always bring to food when presenting it. I love to experiment on recipes and even create my own! I have a collection of recipes from when I was in High School so that should tell you how much I love being in the Kitchen.

So there you have it. Thanks again Zoe for the nomination and for giving me that chance to write about myself. Something I had forgotten to do for a really long while. I kind of lost myself and my identity when my baby died so this kind of brings me back to what I used to be and I am supposed to be. For my Nominees, your blogs are just awesome places that I like to visit to be inspired, thank you too. Lots of love 🙂