I have lost faith in myself
I have grown such a fear
Fear of rejection
When you left
Baby when you left
A hole emerged
From the place you said goodbye
What if, I ask
What now, I wonder
How will my pain evolve
Will it break me
Will I be shattered by it

I have already lost faith in myself
I have grown such a dread
Dread of dejection
After you left
Baby after you left
A hollowness emerged
From the place I said goodbye
Where to, I ask
Where now, I wonder
How will my hurt revolve
Will it hurt me
Will I be destroyed by it

I just want to cry
I feel I should cry
So that I stop being afraid
Or being filled with dread
You have left me with only memories
It feels like bricks being thrown at me
Because I have lost
Faith in myself, this Perfumed world



“Your absence wraps its icy fingers Around my soul, squeezing the poetry out of me”

Rupali Jeganathan



If we were having coffee
I’d tell you that
This is my 201 post
200 posts of my grieving
For my baby boy gone too soon
I feel
The same
Full of questions
Filled with anger
Drowning in regrets
Of why I never held my baby longer
I’d tell you each day is different
Yet some are still the same
On my 201 post
I’d let you know it still hurts
Like it did on 5th January
When my baby’s arms
Left mine
200 posts of pain
200 posts of memories
200 posts of somewhat hope
200 posts
Of how much I miss you
My baby boy Azariah Nathan



I just can’t.



My time with you
Has been short-lived
Yet I have so much I wanted to say
So much love I wanted to give
A lot of sentences
That are now stuck in my throat
Chocking the daylights
Out of me

My time with you
Has been shortened
Yet I have so much I wanted to speak
So much care I wanted to show
A lot of paragraphs
That are now blocked in my neck
Shocking the night lights
Out of me

My time with you
Has been challenged
Yet I have so much I wanted to share
So much joy I wanted to bring
A lot of phrases
That are now lodged in my soul
Sucking the breathlessness
Out of me

My time with you
All I ever wanted to have

My time with you dear son
Everything I longed for
Though cut short
I regret it not

My time with you
I shall have again



To God
A day is like
A thousand years
A thousand years
Like a day

I know for the next
A thousand years
You will still remain a part of me
All the few memories
I was allowed to have
Will be neatly inscribed
Into my saddened heart

A thousand years
To come
I will still
Remember your presence in my womb
I will still know
That I loved you without reserve
That I waited for you without impatience
Or doubt

More than
A thousand years
Will pass
Still I will know you are my first
My first love
My first child
My first miracle
My first son
My first unimmesurable love

A thousand years
I will wait for you
Love you
Until you are in my arms again
In Heaven where you are



grief poetry Earth