CLIMBING OVER WALLS OF GRIEF

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Unconditionally
Is what I would have loved you
Now I am Climbing over
Walls of my grief
Trying to get to the other side

FIRST HOLIDAY WITHOUT YOU

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It’s Easter
My first holiday without you
This was to be
A first
Of many firsts
Now I just wish it to be over
So I don’t have to drown
In what if’s
Maybe’s
First holiday without you
It’s Easter

LATELY I HAVE LOST MY CONFIDENCE

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I used to be happy
Maybe not completely
But I was happy
You were going to be part of my life
After I lost you
I don’t know
How to be happy anymore
I don’t know
Who I am anymore
My confidence is no more
I am afraid of rejection
So I don’t go out
To meet people or life
I never know what to do anymore
Lately baby
I have no grasp of what
A good day is
It all seems like a blur
It…
Your death
Changed my perception of what is fair
Created this fear in me
That I will lose more than myself
My confidence is no more
You were me
Now you are gone
Who am I

I FELT MY BABY KICK

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I knew you were real
The moment I felt your first kick
It felt strange
Yet exhilarating
Still wonderful
And strange again
I remember feeling my tummy
Then seeing you move about
Bouncing up, down my stomach
It was real
Nothing like I ever imagined
It couldn’t be
Anything I thought it would be
You announced your presence
With those subtle kicks
Excited whenever I put my hand on your soft foot
I couldn’t see
Yet I knew you were so strong
I felt my baby kick and
I knew
I would meet you soon
Now I have a hole
In my heart
Forced to carry on without you
I miss your little kicks
Early morning
Sometimes late evening
Or whenever I was hungry
You were too
How do I get through this
When does it ever not hurt
Anymore
All I want dear baby
Is to feel your kicks
Once again
How sad, I can never feel…
Hear your kicks again
I miss
I crave for
I cry after
I wish
With all my heart
That I would feel your kicks
Inside my lonely belly