Satisfaction getting back to the kitchen after I lost him… daily small achievements



You were gone in a second
Yet existed inside my womb
Eight months I felt you alive
Eight months I knew you were real
Eight months I had planned for you
Eight months I waited to see you
I wish I had held you longer

You disappeared in a minute
Yet existed in my heart
Eight months I felt your heart beat
Eight months I felt your foot kick
Eight months I felt your turns
Eight months I felt your hiccup
I wish I had felt you longer

You went away in an hour
Yet existed inside my mind
Eight months I spoke to you
Eight months I sang for you
Eight months I read to you
Eight months I laughed with you
I wish I had talked to you longer

You slept forever in a day
Yet existed not in my arms
Eight months I could have loved
Eight months I would have named
Eight months I should have had you
Eight months I will not have with you
I wish I could hold you longer



Opening: the Bible
Feeling: anxious
Knowing: five months have already gone without you
Wishing: i could fly
Hoping: tomorrow brings less heavy emotions
Marveling: at the word Moxie
Needing: still love
Watching: the moonless sky it’s 11pm here
Learning: i can move
Loving: still nothing
Admiring: other mothers
Thinking: i don’t want to be here
Wanting: everything
Smelling: dirt
Dreading: sleep
Dreaming: about babies, everyday
Cooking: i baked mug cakes
Making: my mind to stop thinking
Reading: not reading
Drinking: tea
Listening: to Adele’s ‘when we were young’ i don’t know why
Writing: these words on grief poetry
Wondering: what comes next after grief
Following: https://wemenshouldcook.com his food photography is amazing
Eating: rice and beans again
Wearing: blue jeans and a Tee
Creating: bubbles
Regretting: not saying what my hear wanted
Wasting: butter. Obsessively baking. Keeps me from thinking. About him
Noticing: days are going too fast
Giggling: no
Bookmarking: https://grief.com
Hating: that i am empty still



I keep thinking
You’d be 5 months today
I keep wondering
You’d be smiling today
I keep feeling
When is the pain going away

I miss you in my belly
I miss your kicks in my womb
I miss your stretch in my skin
I miss our hearts beating together
I miss everything
I miss your presence
My belly was Tailored for you
I miss being pregnant