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To your heart
To your chest
To your love
I am coming home
To be Cherished


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It’s hard to think
That I don’t have you
This Christmas
Our first christmas
You should have been
In my arms
I should have
Been singing for you gingle bells
I would have
The Christmas tree with you
I should have
Gingerbread cookies with you
Merry Christmas my boy

All I want for Christmas
Is you in my arms
To hold and never let go
To create memories with you
On our first Christmas
Wish you were here with me
Wanted so much for us
The whole world
Have been yours my boy
You would have been
A Joy to the world
Mostly joy to me
Merry Christmas my boy

To many more Christmases
That I will have
You will always be
The best gift I could have had
Merry Christmas my boy
Merry Christmas Nathan



He was born
Yet his time had not come
Such a young life
Taken so brutally
Only few months
Until he was to take his first breath
Until he was to make his first cry
How life is so frail
An abundance of innocence
Inside a soul that was too raw
His story
From cradle to grave
Was short-lived
He had not even began one chapter
Yet his last chapter was already spelt
Unwritten memories
Were all he left
Unsaid words
Were all he had not
Unheard laughter
Were all that echoed
Promises of eternal love
Promises of forever bliss
Amidst his cradle to grave story
His life
So short lived
Yet forever changed my own
A forever memory
Etched deep inside my consciousness
I will hold you
When nobody else could
His cradle to grave story
Mine to relive
Until our hearts be mended again



Its been a long time since I came to visit you my child. I remember pain and, I don’t want to feel it anymore. I remember tears and, I don’t want to cry anymore. Still I feel that pain and I still cry at the thought of you not being in my arms. My dear departed son, mommy still has all this love that should have been yours. Your cradle to grave story never had a beginning. Only an end that still hurts as hell. Mommy cannot function some days, others I am on over drive trying to burn hurting thoughts. Please say you won’t let go, of my hand. That you will hold me forever. That you will still love me, even when I am angry you left me. I wished to grow old with you, see your generation come to life. I cannot see how this pain will subside. Say you won’t let go, of my heart, that needs you so. Keep me in your thoughts, hold me in your innocence.
Dear Nathan,
Mommy remembers every bit of you. No memory of you will ever fade away. I remember never saying goodbye. I still won’t. Give me strength to be better, to sleep better, to survive better. All I long for is the days I had you inside me. When I felt you kick. When I rubbed my belly and felt your presence. I wish I could turn back time. And feel you again. Know you are deeply rooted inside mommy’s belly. My son, my dear departed son, mommy still loves you, so so much. I had you, then I didn’t. Yet you still are alive in me. I want so much, you being the most of what I want. Say you won’t let go, of mommy’s hand… forever.



When that moment comes
I want to be in love again
I want to know warmth
I want to feel heat
From cold winter nights

When that moment comes
I want to be loved again
I want to know closeness
I want to feel fire
From cold autumn days

When that moment comes
I want to love again
I want to know embraces
I want to feel bliss
From cold summer mornings

When that moment comes
I want to share love again
I want to know wildness
I want to feel kissed
From cold spring afternoons