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WISH YOU COULD HAVE CALLED ME MOTHER

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Mother

Mom

Mama

Words so powerful

Heavy with emotion

Glue to every strength

A force that holds hearts

I should have been that

For you my child

I wanted to be everything and more

I wanted to be yours

Your mother

Wish you could have

Called me mother

Eight months

Was all you had

In mommy’s tummy

Every moment

I knew who you were

Every kick

I knew where you were

Every heart beat

I knew what you were

Wish you could have

Called me

Mother

Mom

Mama

 

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I HAVE TO CLEAN MY FACE

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Walk out that door

Carrying baggage, heaviness

Yet I have to smile

So no one knows my psyche already gave up

My shadow even resents me

Because I am nothing but a shell

Hollow hollow darkened shell

I have to wash my face

Walk out that door

Like I was never crying

My soul out of its chest

Nobody should see these tears

They should not know

How my h I am breaking down

Falling apart to my knees

With pain I cannot fathom

Why do you have me here

I keep asking my maker

I want to let go

Just so I don’t have to cry

One more grey tear

I have to wipe my face

Walk out that door

Like my mind was never aching

My body screaming

Because pain is more than physical

Should I

Wash, wipe or clean my face

Before I walk out that door

I OWN ALL OF MY TEARS

never

Drunken in deep depression

My will just about giving out

A perfect facade

Of a loss I cannot get over

Take me home father

Let this world not know me anymore

I cannot seem to stop

All these tear drops

From drenching my chest

With memories

Of what could have been

I want to own all of my tears

Maybe then my hurt will stop

As I will never get to sing you a lullaby

 

 

POETRY WRAPPED IN SOUL

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Honest lyrics
His heart
His soul
His being

Track of my tears
Real falsetto
His mind
His spirit
His person

Tracks of my fears
True music
His Laughter
His embrace
His hold

Tracks of my gears
Truthful sound
His body
His self
His humane

Tracks of my years
He is
Poetry wrapped in soul
My frantic heart pursues

DEPRESSION

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i still keep wondering why am here. they are totally tired of me. i know. i feel it. and i hate it.

i still keep thinking why should i be here. they are completely fed up with me. i understand. i sense it. and i loathe it.

i still keep asking why was i here. they are completely done with me. i expect it. i know it. and i hurt it.

WHERE CAN I LAY

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I lost the will to live
When I lost my baby
Now my heart
It feels like an empty shell
A hollow broken mass
I have no song anymore
Sounds feel like screeching feet
I want to scream aloud
Yet no words are enough
To describe the pain i live with
The pain I inhale
The pain I exhale
What is there to live for
After my baby died
Where can I lay my broken soul
Where can I lay my tired body
Where can I lay my decaying mind
I have nothing
But empty thoughts
Empty empty arms
Where is my child
To heal all the hurt
And unbreak
This already shattered heart of mine

I’M LOOSING MY FIGHT SONG

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I don’t have a lot of fight
Left in me
I feel bottomless
This hollow feeling
Will not leave me be
I am tired of fighting
Fighting demons
Of yester regrets, pain
A lot of pain
Created by the loss of you
My unborn, my Nathan
I feel a heaviness
Words cannot be poured enough
Silence is become louder
Mornings dreaded
Nights welcomed
Because I get to lay down
My emotions of loss
Sleep gives me a kind hope
Hope that my mind will rest
I don’t have
A lot of fight left in me
I can’t fight anymore
I cannot run from myself
Darkness is all I wish for
So my secret tears
Will not be seen
I feel weightless
Like I have nothing left
I miss you my son
It seems deragatory
To even think of not missing you
Are you dancing with Angels
Perhaps you can invite me
I don’t
Have a lot of fight
Left in me