Blog

WISH I DIDN’T WAKE UP

i-will-be-waiting-cindy-grundsten_orig

Now I have to live in reality
That you have gone far from my arms
I cannot hold you baby
When I am awake
I only get to do that
When I am sleeping
Those days I have no nightmares

Wish I didn’t wake up
So I can feel your tiny chest on mine
So I can breath in your sweet baby scent
Now I am forced to accept
That you are no longer a reality
I cannot relish your giggles
I cannot enjoy your squirm
I cannot love your colic days

Wish I didn’t wake up
I want to keep dreaming of you
I apologise I could not save you baby
In my dreams you live
In my thoughts you wander about
I fall silent
Because I have no happiness
Knowing you were true once
Now you no longer exist
How is life that unfair
How is love that wasted
I should go back to sleep

SURVIVE

d270fa2fdd1185c18efc44211277056f

I will Survive
Through my pain
So tomorrow
I will wake up
With a sense of being present
For now I am lost in oblivion
Disturbed by saddest days
Yet I know
I will survive
Through my pain
So tomorrow
I will get up
With a sense of being alive
For now I am faint in obstinence
Disturbed by hurting days
Yet I know
I will survive
Through my pain
So tomorrow
I will sit up
With a sense of being okay
For now I am stooped in darkness
Disturbed by breaking days
Yet I know
I will survive
Through my pain
So tomorrow
I will rise up
With a sense of being calm
For now I am cropped in heart aches
Disturbed by solitary days
Yet I know
I will survive
Through my pain
So tomorrow
I will heal up completely

ETERNALLY A MOTHER

ce6d3d9aca98605b17933ae8f96c287f

You may have lost your child
Through
Miscarriage
Stillbirth
Infant death
Child’s death

Your child may have been
Few weeks
Several months
A few years
Many years old

Your child may have
Died in the womb
Died at birth
Committed suicide
Died in an accident
Coldly murdered
Taken away by sickness

You are eternally a mother
You carried that child
Inside your womb
For however long you
Loved him
Loved her
Before death snatched away
Your reason for existing
You are eternally a mother
It is not just an Impression

THIS IS MY PAIN

1418994-bigthumbnail

Stop trivializing my pain
Stop making it normal
I cannot share it
I cannot give it away
This is my pain
I need to live with it
Until it no longer
Sucks the life out of me
Just breathe baby
Just breathe

I WANT A BABY

FB-1

I saw her
Heavy with child
I looked at her
Cuddled with her child
I thought of her
Singing for her child
I remembered her
Singing for her child
My mind will not stop telling me
I want a baby

He’s irreplaceable
My child I lost
Yet I want to hold another
Because I saw her
I looked at her
I thought of her
I remembered her
With child
My heart wants my own
To love and to cherish
Like everyone else does
My soul can’t stop yearning
Telling me
I want a baby
My emotions are Adrift

I JUST WANT RAIN TO FALL ON ME

a3c04a46401594af37471bf3676c9ec8

I want to be drenched
By cold cold rain
I want to feel its breeze
Hit my face on every side
I want to be rained on
Drip water from the tip of my hair
To the bottom of my sole
Maybe then
All these harsh emotions will leave me alone
When it rains
And when it pours
I will not hide under a shade
I will not run to find shelter
I will stand and look up
Close my eyes tight
Then let the down pour begin
This rain should fall on me
Every droplet I want to feel on my skin
As it washes away memories
Cleansing my heart that lives in sorrow
Fall hard on me dear rain

THOUGHTS THAT HURT

thoughts-7

I sit under this tree
And wonder out loud
Where is my life headed
What am I doing wrong
Why can’t I have
The kind of life I want
Where should I go
To ease all this emptiness
I feel like I am drowning
Falling into this massive avalanche
That will not let go of its claws
Digging deep into my heart
Cold wind blows
I hear a plane above the sky
I wonder
What is my destiny
Who am I anyway
I have lost a sense of me
Me I do not understand anymore
Who have I become
With all this sadness inside me