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TAKING STOCK 6

Goodbye-June-Hello-July

Opening: the Bible
Feeling: anxious
Knowing: five months have already gone without you
Wishing: i could fly
Hoping: tomorrow brings less heavy emotions
Marveling: at the word Moxie
Needing: still love
Watching: the moonless sky it’s 11pm here
Learning: i can move
Loving: still nothing
Admiring: other mothers
Thinking: i don’t want to be here
Wanting: everything
Smelling: dirt
Dreading: sleep
Dreaming: about babies, everyday
Cooking: i baked mug cakes
Making: my mind to stop thinking
Reading: not reading
Drinking: tea
Listening: to Adele’s ‘when we were young’ i don’t know why
Writing: these words on grief poetry
Wondering: what comes next after grief
Following: https://wemenshouldcook.com his food photography is amazing
Eating: rice and beans again
Wearing: blue jeans and a Tee
Creating: bubbles
Regretting: not saying what my hear wanted
Wasting: butter. Obsessively baking. Keeps me from thinking. About him
Noticing: days are going too fast
Giggling: no
Bookmarking: https://grief.com
Hating: that i am empty still

I MISS BEING PREGNANT

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I keep thinking
You’d be 5 months today
I keep wondering
You’d be smiling today
I keep feeling
When is the pain going away

I miss you in my belly
I miss your kicks in my womb
I miss your stretch in my skin
I miss our hearts beating together
I miss everything
I miss your presence
My belly was Tailored for you
I miss being pregnant

LONELY PAPER

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Just as crumpled Paper
Feels alone, abandoned, confused
So my soul feels this wave of loneliness

LOOP

Grief by l_stade 2009

She Looped her hands around her heart
Grief breaths were freezing her soul
She had to hold onto her chest
Lest she crumble apart
Her memories felt like home
Memories of her son unborn
Like photographs standing still
She was scared to face her fears
Nobody told her
It would hurt this much
When he left her arms
Before his time even began
Everything took her back
To when he was still in her womb
She clasps her heart again
Will it be the last time
It will hurt this recklessly bad

WEEKLY PHOTO CHALLENGE – TRANSIENT

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griefpoetry Transient

DREAMLESS MEDDLE

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Memories Meddled in my dreams
Thoughts of you haunt me
Your tiny fingers
Your little toes
Your miniature nose
All I never got to play with
I will never know the joy of embracing you
Or kissing your cheek goodnight
My memories are muddled with regret
Closely huddled by anger
Nightly cradled in nightmares
Hurt is meddling with my dreams
Dreams of a future I hoped for
For such is my deep pain
Pain that cannot be erased
Erased so that healing can begin
Begin from this point of wishes
Wishes that come undone
It’s a restless meddle

THEY LIED

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They said it gets better
Why is my heart still drowning
In a murky pool of sadness
They lied
They said time heals all wounds
Why is my soul still yelling
In a dark cave of blindness
They lied
They said tears will end eventually
Why is my mind still stressing
In a black hole of madness
They lied
They said my body will heal
Why is my belly still aching
In a sudden deep panick
They said
Yet I still wait
Was it a lie
Will it all come to pass
This grief