WISH I DIDN’T WAKE UP

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Now I have to live in reality
That you have gone far from my arms
I cannot hold you baby
When I am awake
I only get to do that
When I am sleeping
Those days I have no nightmares

Wish I didn’t wake up
So I can feel your tiny chest on mine
So I can breath in your sweet baby scent
Now I am forced to accept
That you are no longer a reality
I cannot relish your giggles
I cannot enjoy your squirm
I cannot love your colic days

Wish I didn’t wake up
I want to keep dreaming of you
I apologise I could not save you baby
In my dreams you live
In my thoughts you wander about
I fall silent
Because I have no happiness
Knowing you were true once
Now you no longer exist
How is life that unfair
How is love that wasted
I should go back to sleep

FIRST BIRTHDAY WITHOUT YOU

 

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Today is my birthday baby
How should I celebrate today
When you are not with me
I am to celebrate adding another year
It feels like you gone
Has taken another year from me
I wish you could be there
To say
“Happy Birthday Mother”
All I hear are echoes of my sorrow

NOTHING ELSE

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I’m a mother, who has lost her child
I want nothing else, but him

I HAVE LOST

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I have lost faith in myself
I have grown such a fear
Fear of rejection
When you left
Baby when you left
A hole emerged
From the place you said goodbye
What if, I ask
What now, I wonder
How will my pain evolve
Will it break me
Will I be shattered by it

I have already lost faith in myself
I have grown such a dread
Dread of dejection
After you left
Baby after you left
A hollowness emerged
From the place I said goodbye
Where to, I ask
Where now, I wonder
How will my hurt revolve
Will it hurt me
Will I be destroyed by it

I just want to cry
I feel I should cry
So that I stop being afraid
Or being filled with dread
You have left me with only memories
It feels like bricks being thrown at me
Because I have lost
Faith in myself, this Perfumed world

RUPALI JEGANATHAN QUOTE

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“Your absence wraps its icy fingers Around my soul, squeezing the poetry out of me”

Rupali Jeganathan

CLIMBING OVER WALLS OF GRIEF

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Unconditionally
Is what I would have loved you
Now I am Climbing over
Walls of my grief
Trying to get to the other side

LATELY I HAVE LOST MY CONFIDENCE

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I used to be happy
Maybe not completely
But I was happy
You were going to be part of my life
After I lost you
I don’t know
How to be happy anymore
I don’t know
Who I am anymore
My confidence is no more
I am afraid of rejection
So I don’t go out
To meet people or life
I never know what to do anymore
Lately baby
I have no grasp of what
A good day is
It all seems like a blur
It…
Your death
Changed my perception of what is fair
Created this fear in me
That I will lose more than myself
My confidence is no more
You were me
Now you are gone
Who am I