Grief by l_stade 2009

She Looped her hands around her heart
Grief breaths were freezing her soul
She had to hold onto her chest
Lest she crumble apart
Her memories felt like home
Memories of her son unborn
Like photographs standing still
She was scared to face her fears
Nobody told her
It would hurt this much
When he left her arms
Before his time even began
Everything took her back
To when he was still in her womb
She clasps her heart again
Will it be the last time
It will hurt this recklessly bad



Memories Meddled in my dreams
Thoughts of you haunt me
Your tiny fingers
Your little toes
Your miniature nose
All I never got to play with
I will never know the joy of embracing you
Or kissing your cheek goodnight
My memories are muddled with regret
Closely huddled by anger
Nightly cradled in nightmares
Hurt is meddling with my dreams
Dreams of a future I hoped for
For such is my deep pain
Pain that cannot be erased
Erased so that healing can begin
Begin from this point of wishes
Wishes that come undone
It’s a restless meddle



Today has just been one of those days I hate. I just feel so out of place like I dont belong here. It’s my birthday month, yet I don’t really feel like celebrating. What would I be celebrating? I lost the only thing that made sense in my life. How could such a thing happen to me? I still question the sanctity of life, how is one life more important than another? I know I wont get answers yet I still ask. How now? I feel like giving up.



I always dreamed
Of how your smile would be
I was ever imagining
What your laughter would sound like
You would have been
A happy baby
Every day would have been perfect
With you in my arms
I would have chuckled
At your effort
Of your first crawl
I would have marvelled
At your trial at standing up
As you tried to stand
For the very first time
I swear
I would have recorded every moment
Rain please fall on me
I have no laughter in me
So rain
Wash away all my tears
Because I don’t have
That Chuckle , that part
Of your life with me
Words are all I have
To imagine what your laughter
Would sound like



I feel I am unravelling
Completely worn out by this ache
An empty shitty ache
That will not allow me to curse out loud
The threads of my soul
Slowly unravelling so fast
I am left naked with too much sorrow
When you pour ink into my hurt
All you will find are words
Words that do not rhyme
Make sense
Or even exist in the alphabet
My hurt writes itself
Draws vividly unsaid sentiments
Emotions that rock my now silent wail
Cries that are only heard by my pillow
I ache for you my son
Listening to my heart beat alone
I keep Unravelling moments wished for
Blue ink, Black ink, Red Ink
They all write the same thing
My loss of you child



She was so angry
Angry at her love
Angry at her life
Angry at her pain
Angry at her maker
Angry at her loss
Angry at her self
Just angry
So much anger
With no one to sooth it



That hollow spot on your body
Speaks of an anguish
That cannot be consoled
A selfish need
To cry all the tears of the century
That space, deep dark space
Left by a life ended too soon
The life of a child
Lost in the abys of death
Life clawed away by unexplained reasons
That empty dent on your belly
Tells of grief beyond comprehension
A story truly harsh
Cannot be recounted without cries
Speaks of a desire to wither away
A tainted need
To curl into a foetal position
Never to wake up again
Your broken womb
Speaks of nothing but your hurt
Everything hurts
Even the heart hurts more
Looking down at an empty womb
Staring back at you
With no mercy
That part of you that died
Yet needing a Healer
To mend that broken womb