OVER THE FENCE

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Over the fence
Lies a blurry image of you
Who you were
When you came into this world
Who you were
When you left this world
I want to reach over
Touch what your memory has left
Over the fence

THE GHOST OF ME

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What you see now
Is the ghost of me
The shell that has remained
The skeletons that be
The naked flames dying
This is me
A broken heart
Triggered by moments
When I see them holding tiny hands
While my hands were left empty
When you said goodbye
I saw misery
I see misery
Will time create a mirage of peace
Will distance
Help me forget
This is the ghost of me
What has been left
When my womb emptied you
In sick sadness
It hang low
Knowing
It could not give you life
Anymore
Feeling like it failed you
The ghost of me haunts my nights
Hovering over a darkened smile
Unable to feel emotions
Only numbness
Lots and lost regrets
It should have been wonderful
You should have been wonderful
In my arms
On my breast
Over my shoulder
Under my fingers
On top of my laps
It should have been me and you
You and me it should have been
Now this ghost of me
Runs wild in my bewildered dreams
Reigning inside my empty mind
Most days I feel nothing
Because emptiness has resided
Where your heart should have been
Next to mine
Where it is now
Is a hollow space stuck between centuries
My son
Mama needs you
To take away
The ghost of me

THEY LIED

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They said it gets better
Why is my heart still drowning
In a murky pool of sadness
They lied
They said time heals all wounds
Why is my soul still yelling
In a dark cave of blindness
They lied
They said tears will end eventually
Why is my mind still stressing
In a black hole of madness
They lied
They said my body will heal
Why is my belly still aching
In a sudden deep panick
They said
Yet I still wait
Was it a lie
Will it all come to pass
This grief

I WANT A BABY

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I saw her
Heavy with child
I looked at her
Cuddled with her child
I thought of her
Singing for her child
I remembered her
Singing for her child
My mind will not stop telling me
I want a baby

He’s irreplaceable
My child I lost
Yet I want to hold another
Because I saw her
I looked at her
I thought of her
I remembered her
With child
My heart wants my own
To love and to cherish
Like everyone else does
My soul can’t stop yearning
Telling me
I want a baby
My emotions are Adrift

I JUST WANT RAIN TO FALL ON ME

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I want to be drenched
By cold cold rain
I want to feel its breeze
Hit my face on every side
I want to be rained on
Drip water from the tip of my hair
To the bottom of my sole
Maybe then
All these harsh emotions will leave me alone
When it rains
And when it pours
I will not hide under a shade
I will not run to find shelter
I will stand and look up
Close my eyes tight
Then let the down pour begin
This rain should fall on me
Every droplet I want to feel on my skin
As it washes away memories
Cleansing my heart that lives in sorrow
Fall hard on me dear rain

FIRST BIRTHDAY WITHOUT YOU

 

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Today is my birthday baby
How should I celebrate today
When you are not with me
I am to celebrate adding another year
It feels like you gone
Has taken another year from me
I wish you could be there
To say
“Happy Birthday Mother”
All I hear are echoes of my sorrow

WHY DOES SHE GET TO HAVE HER BABY

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I know I should not be asking
But I will still ask
Because I have not yet healed
Why
Does she get to have
Her baby with her
I lost mine
No one can tell me why
I cannot question God
Yet my heart asks why
Why
Does she get to have
Her baby with her
I lost mine
No one can explain why
I cannot question Man
Yet my soul asks why
Why
Does she get to have
Her baby with her
I lost mine
No one can show me why
I cannot question the universe
Yet my body asks why
Why
Does she get to have
Her baby with her
I lost mine
Now I am Exposed to heartbreak