EIGHT MONTHS

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You were gone in a second
Yet existed inside my womb
Eight months I felt you alive
Eight months I knew you were real
Eight months I had planned for you
Eight months I waited to see you
I wish I had held you longer

You disappeared in a minute
Yet existed in my heart
Eight months I felt your heart beat
Eight months I felt your foot kick
Eight months I felt your turns
Eight months I felt your hiccup
I wish I had felt you longer

You went away in an hour
Yet existed inside my mind
Eight months I spoke to you
Eight months I sang for you
Eight months I read to you
Eight months I laughed with you
I wish I had talked to you longer

You slept forever in a day
Yet existed not in my arms
Eight months I could have loved
Eight months I would have named
Eight months I should have had you
Eight months I will not have with you
I wish I could hold you longer

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I MISS BEING PREGNANT

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I keep thinking
You’d be 5 months today
I keep wondering
You’d be smiling today
I keep feeling
When is the pain going away

I miss you in my belly
I miss your kicks in my womb
I miss your stretch in my skin
I miss our hearts beating together
I miss everything
I miss your presence
My belly was Tailored for you
I miss being pregnant

LOOP

Grief by l_stade 2009

She Looped her hands around her heart
Grief breaths were freezing her soul
She had to hold onto her chest
Lest she crumble apart
Her memories felt like home
Memories of her son unborn
Like photographs standing still
She was scared to face her fears
Nobody told her
It would hurt this much
When he left her arms
Before his time even began
Everything took her back
To when he was still in her womb
She clasps her heart again
Will it be the last time
It will hurt this recklessly bad

DAUGHTRY – GONE TOO SOON

Today could’ve been the day
That you blow out your candles
Make a wish as you close your eyes

Today could’ve been the day
Everybody was laughin’
Instead I just sit here and cry
Who would you be?
What would you look like
When you looked at me for the very first time?
Today could’ve been the next day of the rest of your life

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a ray of light we never knew
Gone too soon, yeah

Would you have been president?
Or a painter, an author or sing like your mother
One thing is evident
Would’ve given all I had

Would’ve loved ya like no other
Who would you be?
What would you look like?
Would you have my smile and her eyes?
Today could’ve been the next day of the rest of your life

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a ray of light we never knew
Gone too soon, yeah

Not a day goes by, oh
I’m always asking why, oh

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a beautiful life we never knew
Gone too soon
You were gone too soon, yeah

And not a day goes by
That I don’t think of you

SHOULD I WANT GRIEF

Grief

I haven’t felt grief in a while
I don’t want it
Yet I fear not feeling it
Without feeling grief
I am empty
I feel nothing
I need to feel something
So I remember you were real child

I FEEL THIS TENDERNESS

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Inside my heart
There is this tenderness
A hurt I cannot explain
Or let go
I feel this tenderness
Yet it’s rough on every edge
I want to let go
Its grip is steel like
Tenderness should be soft
Grief knows no Tenderness

WISH I DIDN’T WAKE UP

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Now I have to live in reality
That you have gone far from my arms
I cannot hold you baby
When I am awake
I only get to do that
When I am sleeping
Those days I have no nightmares

Wish I didn’t wake up
So I can feel your tiny chest on mine
So I can breath in your sweet baby scent
Now I am forced to accept
That you are no longer a reality
I cannot relish your giggles
I cannot enjoy your squirm
I cannot love your colic days

Wish I didn’t wake up
I want to keep dreaming of you
I apologise I could not save you baby
In my dreams you live
In my thoughts you wander about
I fall silent
Because I have no happiness
Knowing you were true once
Now you no longer exist
How is life that unfair
How is love that wasted
I should go back to sleep