THE GHOST OF ME

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What you see now
Is the ghost of me
The shell that has remained
The skeletons that be
The naked flames dying
This is me
A broken heart
Triggered by moments
When I see them holding tiny hands
While my hands were left empty
When you said goodbye
I saw misery
I see misery
Will time create a mirage of peace
Will distance
Help me forget
This is the ghost of me
What has been left
When my womb emptied you
In sick sadness
It hang low
Knowing
It could not give you life
Anymore
Feeling like it failed you
The ghost of me haunts my nights
Hovering over a darkened smile
Unable to feel emotions
Only numbness
Lots and lost regrets
It should have been wonderful
You should have been wonderful
In my arms
On my breast
Over my shoulder
Under my fingers
On top of my laps
It should have been me and you
You and me it should have been
Now this ghost of me
Runs wild in my bewildered dreams
Reigning inside my empty mind
Most days I feel nothing
Because emptiness has resided
Where your heart should have been
Next to mine
Where it is now
Is a hollow space stuck between centuries
My son
Mama needs you
To take away
The ghost of me

ETERNALLY A MOTHER

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You may have lost your child
Through
Miscarriage
Stillbirth
Infant death
Child’s death

Your child may have been
Few weeks
Several months
A few years
Many years old

Your child may have
Died in the womb
Died at birth
Committed suicide
Died in an accident
Coldly murdered
Taken away by sickness

You are eternally a mother
You carried that child
Inside your womb
For however long you
Loved him
Loved her
Before death snatched away
Your reason for existing
You are eternally a mother
It is not just an Impression

NOTHING ELSE

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I’m a mother, who has lost her child
I want nothing else, but him

THE STRONG WILLED CHILD

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I know you were strong
You held on
Inside a space that was your home
You fought hard
To make it through
Everyday of your life inside me
Month after month you grew
Knowing your time on earth
Would start soon
You kicked
To show you were happy
You kicked
To show you were hungry
You kicked
To show you didnt like that food
You kicked
To play in your space
You kicked
When you wanted attention
You kicked
When I placed a hand on your home
You kicked
Just because
A strong willed child you were
You made me stronger than I thought
Your will to be strong
Is making me strong
Now that you are no longer here

GIVE ME A SONG CHILD

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My heart has not sung
Since you said goodbye to me
Silently without waking up
You told me you needed to go
Your time on earth had ended
Before it even began
Lost amidst a rhythmless world
Music has stopped synching
With my soul that is silent
Even birds no longer chirp
Crickets do not sing at night
It is a horrible silence my child
My unborn
Everything is deathly calm
Even my mind is too lost inside its own
Night no longer seems silhouette
My ears have not listened to music
As my heart refuses to let beats in
Through my soul that is deadened
I am afraid to listen to music
Because only painful reminders
Abound surrounding my lonely self
What song can I sing
When my body howls like the wolves
Out of rythm because of loss
Your loss child
Has left me without music
Give me a song child
To take away this grieving insanity

A PAIR OF EMPTY ARMS

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My hands cannot reach out for you
You were not able to invade my space
My arms are empty
Without you to rest in them
I am more emptier than I have ever been before
I had so much love for you
Before you even became real
Nothing was even formed
Yet I know my arms were yours
To rest in
To sleep in
To play with
To be strong in
This pair of empty arms
Cry out for you to be in them
A painful loss it has been
Holding out empty arms
That wish you home on Instinct

DREAMLESS NIGHTS

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I have immersed myself in moonless nights
Drank of sunless mornings
Eaten with breezeless afternoons
I have immersed myself in rainbowless days
Drank of loveless weeks
Eaten with windless months
I feel lost without you my child
The world stopped making sense
I still feel a scoreless emptiness
Without you my world is evaporating
Slowly ascending into darkness galore
Air down my throat is rusty
Clasping my airwaves like steel
How shall I spend another Sunday
Without you near me
When should I quit sorrow
When everything is the same
Without you my child
I think I am better today
Yet today I still miss you
In my arms I could have loved you
You would have fit inside my hands
I never would have looked away from you
Love for you would have never ended
My child, my unborn
What am I to do without you
I will Immerse myself in dreamless nights
So I never miss you when I sleep
Like I miss you when I am awake