I’M LOOSING MY FIGHT SONG

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I don’t have a lot of fight
Left in me
I feel bottomless
This hollow feeling
Will not leave me be
I am tired of fighting
Fighting demons
Of yester regrets, pain
A lot of pain
Created by the loss of you
My unborn, my Nathan
I feel a heaviness
Words cannot be poured enough
Silence is become louder
Mornings dreaded
Nights welcomed
Because I get to lay down
My emotions of loss
Sleep gives me a kind hope
Hope that my mind will rest
I don’t have
A lot of fight left in me
I can’t fight anymore
I cannot run from myself
Darkness is all I wish for
So my secret tears
Will not be seen
I feel weightless
Like I have nothing left
I miss you my son
It seems deragatory
To even think of not missing you
Are you dancing with Angels
Perhaps you can invite me
I don’t
Have a lot of fight
Left in me

MERRY CHRISTMAS MY BOY

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It’s hard to think
That I don’t have you
This Christmas
Our first christmas
You should have been
In my arms
I should have
Been singing for you gingle bells
I would have
Decorated
The Christmas tree with you
I should have
Baked
Gingerbread cookies with you
Merry Christmas my boy

All I want for Christmas
Is you in my arms
To hold and never let go
To create memories with you
On our first Christmas
Wish you were here with me
Wanted so much for us
The whole world
Should
Have been yours my boy
You would have been
A Joy to the world
Mostly joy to me
Merry Christmas my boy

To many more Christmases
That I will have
You will always be
The best gift I could have had
Merry Christmas my boy
Merry Christmas Nathan

DAUGHTRY – GONE TOO SOON

Today could’ve been the day
That you blow out your candles
Make a wish as you close your eyes

Today could’ve been the day
Everybody was laughin’
Instead I just sit here and cry
Who would you be?
What would you look like
When you looked at me for the very first time?
Today could’ve been the next day of the rest of your life

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a ray of light we never knew
Gone too soon, yeah

Would you have been president?
Or a painter, an author or sing like your mother
One thing is evident
Would’ve given all I had

Would’ve loved ya like no other
Who would you be?
What would you look like?
Would you have my smile and her eyes?
Today could’ve been the next day of the rest of your life

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a ray of light we never knew
Gone too soon, yeah

Not a day goes by, oh
I’m always asking why, oh

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a beautiful life we never knew
Gone too soon
You were gone too soon, yeah

And not a day goes by
That I don’t think of you

ETERNALLY A MOTHER

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You may have lost your child
Through
Miscarriage
Stillbirth
Infant death
Child’s death

Your child may have been
Few weeks
Several months
A few years
Many years old

Your child may have
Died in the womb
Died at birth
Committed suicide
Died in an accident
Coldly murdered
Taken away by sickness

You are eternally a mother
You carried that child
Inside your womb
For however long you
Loved him
Loved her
Before death snatched away
Your reason for existing
You are eternally a mother
It is not just an Impression

FIRST BIRTHDAY WITHOUT YOU

 

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Today is my birthday baby
How should I celebrate today
When you are not with me
I am to celebrate adding another year
It feels like you gone
Has taken another year from me
I wish you could be there
To say
“Happy Birthday Mother”
All I hear are echoes of my sorrow

IF I DIE YOUNG

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Do not cry for me when I’m gone
Because I felt no pain of existing
I was never touched by human hurt
I never experienced harsh emotions
Like the hatred sometimes of humanity
I did not experience intense anger
I was never rejected or abandoned
If I die young
Shed no tears for me
Because I am at peace
I will not experience reality of hardship
Nor cry because my heart ailed
I will not feel the intensity of hunger pains
Or the dread of unmet wants
I will not be
In physical, emotional, spiritual pain
If I die young
Before I have breathed on this earth
Know that I still loved you
If you never held me in your arms
Know that I still felt your embrace
If you never kissed my cheeks
Know your warmth I already had
Weep not at my grave
Because I still live in your heart
Wipe those tears I see in your eyes
Unburden that ache I feel in your heart
Take away that grief
I am grieving with you too
If I die young
I know I am still loved by you
Inside the Maze of pain you carry
Know I am still with you

A PART OF ME HAS DIED

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Even though a part of me has died
I have few memories I hold dear
Breathing is all I can do
Even though pain is deep
Eyes pinching with tears
I need to come back to life
My arms open wide
To hold a child non existent
Overcome by so much grief
Will my scars be understood
Questions keep fading away

Even though a part of me has died
I am left with few moments I keep close
Breathing everything I know to do
Even though suffering is still deep
Eyes dancing with tears
I have to bring back my life
My arms closed on my chest
To hold my heart empty without child
Overcome by so much emptiness
Will scars speak for themselves
Questions keep bouncing back to me

Even though a part of me had died
A Temporary pain I must endure
Remembering he came for a purpose
My child that is no more
A season that has refused to end