I HAVE TO CLEAN MY FACE

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Walk out that door

Carrying baggage, heaviness

Yet I have to smile

So no one knows my psyche already gave up

My shadow even resents me

Because I am nothing but a shell

Hollow hollow darkened shell

I have to wash my face

Walk out that door

Like I was never crying

My soul out of its chest

Nobody should see these tears

They should not know

How my h I am breaking down

Falling apart to my knees

With pain I cannot fathom

Why do you have me here

I keep asking my maker

I want to let go

Just so I don’t have to cry

One more grey tear

I have to wipe my face

Walk out that door

Like my mind was never aching

My body screaming

Because pain is more than physical

Should I

Wash, wipe or clean my face

Before I walk out that door

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COULD YOU TAKE CARE OF A BROKEN SOUL

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If I come to you now
With all this hurt I carry
All these regrets that haunt
All emotions that are harsh
Every pain I have held onto
Could you
Take care
Of a broken soul

If I found you now
With all this pain I carry
All these thoughts that follow
All feelings that are crude
Every fear I have held onto
Could you
Take care
Of a broken soul

If I rang you now
With all this burden I hold
All these nightmares that claw
All rumblings that are rough
Every heartbreak I have held onto
Could you
Take care
Of a broken soul

If I called you now
With all this weight I hold
All these memories that burn
All whispers that are raw
Every grief I have held onto
Could you
Take care
Of a broken soul

Could you
Take care
Of a broken soul

If I come to you now
If I found you now
If I rang you now
If I called you now

With all this hurt I carry
With all this pain I carry
With all this burden I hold
With all this weight I hold

All these regrets that haunt
All these thoughts that follow
All these nightmares that claw
All these memories that burn

All emotions that are harsh
All feelings that are crude
All rumblings that are rough
All whispers that are raw

Every pain I have held onto
Every fear I have held onto
Every heartbreak I have held onto
Every grief I have held onto

Could you
Take care
Of a broken soul

I COME TO YOU WITH A BROKEN FAITH

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I have fallen by the wayside
Lost amidst thoughts of hurt
My pain I have stuffed inside
I have hated that I suffered loss
I never said goodbye
I never said hello
I blamed
I hated
I was angry
Broken with no joy
I thought I knew how to heal
By myself
I wanted to drown
I wanted it to end
Because the loneliness
The sadness
The questions
The not understanding
How a good God would take you away
My soul never wanted to be alive
My mind could not comprehend it all
It seemed unfair
It felt unwarranted
I had you for such a short time
Forever was all I wanted
Then you were gone
And I had nothing
Now
I come to you with a broken faith
I seek not understanding how
I need my heart to heal
I cannot heal my own heart
I cannot touch away the pain
I cannot erase the memories
My faith is broken
Not even cracked
Just broken
I have no strength to mend it
I can only come to you
With this broken faith

FROZEN

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Running from myself
Yet I am frozen in this moment
Unmoving
Unfeeling
Unnerving
Feelings of where are you
Missing you
Where else can I go
I am chasing you
Unfolding
Unfailing
Unearthing
Moments of where you are
Unfrozen
Is what I want to be

CAPTURED GRIEF

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You never see it
It never speaks
It knows no religion
It confirms no presence
Yet it has such a grip on the soul
Captured grief

It gives no damn
It gives no room to breath
It gives no space to swallow
It gives no warmth
Yet it has such a hold on the heart
Captured grief

It takes no break
It takes no silence
It takes no explanations
It takes no confirmations
Yet it has such a hold on the mind
Captured grief

You can never learn it
You can never throw it
You can never handle it
You van never win it over
Yet it has such pain on the body
Captured grief

A SADNESS

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A
sadness
that
can’t
even
form
a
tear

WELLNESS

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Hesitant to allow myself to live
Uncertain that the pain will stop
Unsteadily I cling to memories
Cautious of falling tears that drip
A few Tentative runs
Into the well of wellness
Yet halting without cause
Timid in my thoughts
Faltering in the way I walk away
Shaky grounds threatens
Unsure if I should walk again
Towards wholeness