DEPRESSION

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i still keep wondering why am here. they are totally tired of me. i know. i feel it. and i hate it.

i still keep thinking why should i be here. they are completely fed up with me. i understand. i sense it. and i loathe it.

i still keep asking why was i here. they are completely done with me. i expect it. i know it. and i hurt it.

DEAR NATHAN

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Its been a long time since I came to visit you my child. I remember pain and, I don’t want to feel it anymore. I remember tears and, I don’t want to cry anymore. Still I feel that pain and I still cry at the thought of you not being in my arms. My dear departed son, mommy still has all this love that should have been yours. Your cradle to grave story never had a beginning. Only an end that still hurts as hell. Mommy cannot function some days, others I am on over drive trying to burn hurting thoughts. Please say you won’t let go, of my hand. That you will hold me forever. That you will still love me, even when I am angry you left me. I wished to grow old with you, see your generation come to life. I cannot see how this pain will subside. Say you won’t let go, of my heart, that needs you so. Keep me in your thoughts, hold me in your innocence.
Dear Nathan,
Mommy remembers every bit of you. No memory of you will ever fade away. I remember never saying goodbye. I still won’t. Give me strength to be better, to sleep better, to survive better. All I long for is the days I had you inside me. When I felt you kick. When I rubbed my belly and felt your presence. I wish I could turn back time. And feel you again. Know you are deeply rooted inside mommy’s belly. My son, my dear departed son, mommy still loves you, so so much. I had you, then I didn’t. Yet you still are alive in me. I want so much, you being the most of what I want. Say you won’t let go, of mommy’s hand… forever.

GRIEF WHISPERING

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It’s night time
It’s evening time
It’s midnight time
It’s evening time
I can hear
Grief whispering
Cloaked in wintry nights

PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS MONTH

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Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death, which includes, however is not limited to, miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, and the death of a newborn.

October 15th
Observed by Federal, Provincial/State, Municipal Government
Liturgical Color Pink and Blue
Significance Recognition and raise awareness of, the prominence of pregnancy loss and infant death with an aim to support families who experience the death of their children and to increase, awareness, remembrance, support programs and services for families who experience bereavement.

Celebrations Lights of Love International Wave of Light
Observances Candle Lighting, Global Illumination Project, Remembrance Walks, Flag Raising, Fundraising Campaigns, Lights of Love International Wave of Light

Begins October 1
Ends October 31
Date October 15
Frequency annually

Related to Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
October 15 is observed annually in Canada, United States, United Kingdom, Australian States of Western Australia, New South Wales and in Italy. The day is observed with remembrance ceremonies and candle-lighting vigils, concluding with the Lights of Love International Wave of Light, a worldwide lighting of candles that encompasses and spans the globe at 7:00 p.m. (local time)

The official Awareness Colors of the cause are light pink and baby blue and are synonymous with the campaigns awareness ribbon.

History

On October 25, 1988, American President Ronald Reagan designated the entire month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

October 15 Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day Campaign began in 2002 as an American movement started by Robyn Bear, Lisa Brown, and Tammy Novak. Together, they petitioned the federal government, as well as the governors of each of the 50 states, in conjunction with the first observation of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in October 15, 2002, 20 states signed proclamations recognizing the date as such. As a result of the American campaign effort, Concurrent Resolution 222, Supporting the goals and ideals of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day was passed in the House of Representatives on September 28, 2006.

As of 2016, all 50 American states have yearly proclamations, with Arkansas, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, New York, Rhode Island, and South Dakota adopting permanent proclamations.

The Founder of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day Canada, also known as PAiL Canada, Terra-Lynn Coggan, joined the American movement in September 2004 and acquired the role as the Canadian Director for October 15 Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and initiated the Canadian Campaign. Following New Brunswick’s official recognition of October 15 Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, Coggan resigned as the Canadian Director for the American Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day Campaign and independently launched The Pregnancy Loss and Infant Death Awareness Campaign.

Following New Brunswick’s Declaration in observation of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day others have followed Mrs Coggan’s lead and introduced similar Canadian legislation at the provincial and municipal levels in acknowledgement and recognition of October 15.

Article courtesy: Wikipedia

CAPTURED GRIEF

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You never see it
It never speaks
It knows no religion
It confirms no presence
Yet it has such a grip on the soul
Captured grief

It gives no damn
It gives no room to breath
It gives no space to swallow
It gives no warmth
Yet it has such a hold on the heart
Captured grief

It takes no break
It takes no silence
It takes no explanations
It takes no confirmations
Yet it has such a hold on the mind
Captured grief

You can never learn it
You can never throw it
You can never handle it
You van never win it over
Yet it has such pain on the body
Captured grief

OVER THE FENCE

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Over the fence
Lies a blurry image of you
Who you were
When you came into this world
Who you were
When you left this world
I want to reach over
Touch what your memory has left
Over the fence

THE GHOST OF ME

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What you see now
Is the ghost of me
The shell that has remained
The skeletons that be
The naked flames dying
This is me
A broken heart
Triggered by moments
When I see them holding tiny hands
While my hands were left empty
When you said goodbye
I saw misery
I see misery
Will time create a mirage of peace
Will distance
Help me forget
This is the ghost of me
What has been left
When my womb emptied you
In sick sadness
It hang low
Knowing
It could not give you life
Anymore
Feeling like it failed you
The ghost of me haunts my nights
Hovering over a darkened smile
Unable to feel emotions
Only numbness
Lots and lost regrets
It should have been wonderful
You should have been wonderful
In my arms
On my breast
Over my shoulder
Under my fingers
On top of my laps
It should have been me and you
You and me it should have been
Now this ghost of me
Runs wild in my bewildered dreams
Reigning inside my empty mind
Most days I feel nothing
Because emptiness has resided
Where your heart should have been
Next to mine
Where it is now
Is a hollow space stuck between centuries
My son
Mama needs you
To take away
The ghost of me