Opening: a new month thinking of the coming days
Feeling: less than perfect
Knowing: May should bring with it a little comfort and less of anger
Wishing: i was holding you in my arms. Baby my arms are still not used to being without you
Hoping: that life will make more sense as I try to navigate through this pain of mine
Marveling: at how much time passes yet still remains the same
Needing: more hugs than ever before. This feeling of loneliness has gripped my chest so hard refusing to let go
Watching: how the month unfolds, I haven’t watched any series or movie for so long
Learning: days, minutes, seconds can never be recounted, once gone they stay gone for good
Loving: still a blank stare
Admiring: those who overcame their pain and learnt to live with it and not let it define them
Thinking: april ended too fast, I cannot believe we are already in another month
Wanting: to be left alone sometimes to deal with this riveting grief that has me in chains
Smelling: toasted bread
Dreading: nights when I dream about babies only to wake up realising I lost my own, so frightening yet distinct
Making: a decision to not be brought down by feelings of loss and so much sorrow
Reading: i can’t seem to want to read anymore, maybe the feeling will come back soon
Drinking: milk tea
Listening: to mercy me- I can only imagine
Writing: in my diary why life seems so unfair that everybody else is living the life I want, the life of being a mother
Wondering: how come…
Following: http://www.kaluhiskitchen.com
Eating: not yet lunch time
Wearing: a blue stripped dera, the one I wore to my baby’s funeral, somehow that gives me some sense of comfort and closeness to my absent boy
Creating: i haven’t felt any creative lately
Regretting: that life would have been different if I had made different choices at certain points in my life
Wasting: time
Noticing: i have lost a lot of weight, someone commented that I was shrinking…true, as my heart shrinks because of pain, my body shrinks too
Giggling: no laughter yet
Bookmarking: http://www.bikozulu.co.ke his witty writting makes me smile most times


Opening: parts of me i don’t want to feel
Feeling: restless
Knowing: life will someday be okay
Wishing: i could sleep all day
Hoping: i feel no hope lately
Marveling: at nothing
Needing: a long warm hug
Watching: the night sky
Learning: i’m getting more angrier
Loving: ???
Admiring: happy people
Thinking: i should love again
Wanting: peace of heart
Smelling: rain
Dreading: questions about my baby
Dreaming: senseless dreams
Cooking: nothing
Making: nothing
Reading: nothing
Drinking: tea
Listening: to the wind blow outside
Writing: trying to write again
Wondering: will i ever get to a better place
Following: i don’t really know
Eating: minced meat
Wearing: still grey sweats
Creating: nothing
Regretting: love
Wasting: minutes being sad
Noticing: my broken heart needs to Pause
Giggling: not in a while
Bookmarking: blank??



Opening: my heart a little bit
Feeling: thoughtless
Knowing: i have come this far in grief
Wishing: i could scream all emotions out
Hoping: life will get better soon
Marveling: at how fast morning comes
Needing: a sign that tomorrow is better
Watching: nothing
Learning: i have to stop crying
Loving: is there room for love right now really
Admiring: the clear blue sky
Thinking: life will soon make sense again
Wanting: to get out of this limbo
Smelling: eggs
Dreading: going out to live life without him
Dreaming: of holding on
Cooking: rice, maybe
Making: nothing
Reading: still not held a book
Drinking: water
Listening: music is a bit raw
Writing: my emotions
Wondering: will time heal all wounds as they say
Following: ellaine’s blog
Eating: a mango
Wearing: grey sweats
Creating: nothing
Regretting: nothing yet
Wasting: tears on my pillow
Noticing: i have a strong heart even though it is broken
Giggling: laughter has escaped me
Bookmarking: haven’t really browsed lately



Opening: my eyes

Feeling: like this day will never end

Knowing: i have to get up and live life again

Wishing: i had you in my arms

Hoping: that I will heal from this sense of loss

Marveling: at how much time has gone

Needing: to be comforted

Watching: the trees bend down from the wind

Learning: someday will come to be okay

Loving: nothing right now

Admiring: the morning sun

Thinking: it still feels like I am stuck at the same place

Wanting: to just sleep

Smelling: wet soil

Dreading: waking up another day without you

Dreaming: having nightmares really

Cooking: no strength to cook yet

Making: nothing

Reading: haven’t held a book for so long

Drinking: black tea

Listening: Nickelback – Lullaby

Writing: in this blog

Wondering: will it get better tomorrow

Following: eyes plus words

Eating: brown bread

Wearing: pajamas

Creating: nothing

Regretting: never singing everyday for you

Wasting: Heard my thoughts

Noticing: the dark shadows under my eyes

Giggling: waiting to laugh again

Bookmarking: whatsyourgrief  Feeling Nothing During Grief