YOU SLIP THROUGH MY THOUGHTS

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Every night I dream
Every night I fantasize
That you’re always with me
When you slip through my thoughts
Everday I awake
Everyday I think
That you’re always with me
When you slip through my thoughts
Every moment I wonder
Every moment I tell myself
That you’re always with me
When you slip through my thoughts
Every morning I imagine
Every morning I allow
That you’re always with me
When you slip through my thoughts

To be eight months old
In my arms holding tight
Kissing your little face
Cooing you to sleep

Everytime you slip through my thoughts
I want your presence with me
You got me, you got my heart
A beautiful song I could have sang for you
Such purity you exude
Lyrics of my soul stand out
I want to photograph your memory
Everytime you slip through my thoughts

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ONE YEAR ON – GRIEF POETRY

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8 February marked one year since I started grief poetry. Thank you for all those who have been with me through this journey of finding healing after the loss of my baby boy. Every step I have taken has been a way towards having better days and happy moments. Cheers to 365 days and more 365 days of 2018!

C__Data_Users_DefApps_AppData_INTERNETEXPLORER_Temp_Saved Images_imagesRTV35NY122nd February marks the date my baby should have been born. He’d be turning 1 years old. I still hurt thinking of all those milestones I should have had with my baby boy. It’s still a long journey but maybe one day I will be string enough to remember him without tears filling my eyes…

Lotsa lots of love

grief poetry

👶👄

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS MY BOY

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It’s hard to think
That I don’t have you
This Christmas
Our first christmas
You should have been
In my arms
I should have
Been singing for you gingle bells
I would have
Decorated
The Christmas tree with you
I should have
Baked
Gingerbread cookies with you
Merry Christmas my boy

All I want for Christmas
Is you in my arms
To hold and never let go
To create memories with you
On our first Christmas
Wish you were here with me
Wanted so much for us
The whole world
Should
Have been yours my boy
You would have been
A Joy to the world
Mostly joy to me
Merry Christmas my boy

To many more Christmases
That I will have
You will always be
The best gift I could have had
Merry Christmas my boy
Merry Christmas Nathan

DEAR NATHAN

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Its been a long time since I came to visit you my child. I remember pain and, I don’t want to feel it anymore. I remember tears and, I don’t want to cry anymore. Still I feel that pain and I still cry at the thought of you not being in my arms. My dear departed son, mommy still has all this love that should have been yours. Your cradle to grave story never had a beginning. Only an end that still hurts as hell. Mommy cannot function some days, others I am on over drive trying to burn hurting thoughts. Please say you won’t let go, of my hand. That you will hold me forever. That you will still love me, even when I am angry you left me. I wished to grow old with you, see your generation come to life. I cannot see how this pain will subside. Say you won’t let go, of my heart, that needs you so. Keep me in your thoughts, hold me in your innocence.
Dear Nathan,
Mommy remembers every bit of you. No memory of you will ever fade away. I remember never saying goodbye. I still won’t. Give me strength to be better, to sleep better, to survive better. All I long for is the days I had you inside me. When I felt you kick. When I rubbed my belly and felt your presence. I wish I could turn back time. And feel you again. Know you are deeply rooted inside mommy’s belly. My son, my dear departed son, mommy still loves you, so so much. I had you, then I didn’t. Yet you still are alive in me. I want so much, you being the most of what I want. Say you won’t let go, of mommy’s hand… forever.

DREAMLESS MEDDLE

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Memories Meddled in my dreams
Thoughts of you haunt me
Your tiny fingers
Your little toes
Your miniature nose
All I never got to play with
I will never know the joy of embracing you
Or kissing your cheek goodnight
My memories are muddled with regret
Closely huddled by anger
Nightly cradled in nightmares
Hurt is meddling with my dreams
Dreams of a future I hoped for
For such is my deep pain
Pain that cannot be erased
Erased so that healing can begin
Begin from this point of wishes
Wishes that come undone
It’s a restless meddle

I JUST WANT RAIN TO FALL ON ME

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I want to be drenched
By cold cold rain
I want to feel its breeze
Hit my face on every side
I want to be rained on
Drip water from the tip of my hair
To the bottom of my sole
Maybe then
All these harsh emotions will leave me alone
When it rains
And when it pours
I will not hide under a shade
I will not run to find shelter
I will stand and look up
Close my eyes tight
Then let the down pour begin
This rain should fall on me
Every droplet I want to feel on my skin
As it washes away memories
Cleansing my heart that lives in sorrow
Fall hard on me dear rain

PLEASE REMEMBER QUOTE

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That MOMENT after loosing your BABY when you need to GET OUT of the house but then see a MOTHER with her new born BABY. That’s PAIN like nothing else…

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