I COME TO YOU WITH A BROKEN FAITH

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I have fallen by the wayside
Lost amidst thoughts of hurt
My pain I have stuffed inside
I have hated that I suffered loss
I never said goodbye
I never said hello
I blamed
I hated
I was angry
Broken with no joy
I thought I knew how to heal
By myself
I wanted to drown
I wanted it to end
Because the loneliness
The sadness
The questions
The not understanding
How a good God would take you away
My soul never wanted to be alive
My mind could not comprehend it all
It seemed unfair
It felt unwarranted
I had you for such a short time
Forever was all I wanted
Then you were gone
And I had nothing
Now
I come to you with a broken faith
I seek not understanding how
I need my heart to heal
I cannot heal my own heart
I cannot touch away the pain
I cannot erase the memories
My faith is broken
Not even cracked
Just broken
I have no strength to mend it
I can only come to you
With this broken faith

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FRACTURED FAITH

Christianity Sorrow Forgiveness Sadness Sad People

I have not been on my knees
I have not said the grace
I have not closed my eyes
I have not whispered
My heart has not sang
My lips have not prayed
My mind has not remembered
My soul refuses to listen
My faith has been fractured
By your loss
I will get back on my knees
I will say the grace again
I will close my eyes once more
I will whisper still
My heart will sing
My lips shall pray
My mind will remember
My soul shall listen
My fractured faith will strengthen
By your Grace Lord

OVER

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I feel like my life is over
God please hear my heart’s cry
Help me save my sanity
I know I keep asking instead of just asking once
But my faith has been shaky if not non existent
I need to know that i will be okay
And I will still have my peace at the end of it all
Fear has gripped me so hard
I just dont know what to do anymore
I so want to give up
Yet I still want to fight
See me through this
Because my heart cannot break again
I have made peace with it all
But I still want
I need you to help me Lord
Please help me
Fight these demons of depression

BLESS THE BROKEN ROAD

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Dear Lord
Can you hear me
My road is broken
Broken by the loss of my dear child
I used to know where I was going
Now I have no sense of direction
I do not understand where to walk
Which way is right for me
I am lost
Confused amidst this crowd
Dear Lord
Bless this road I am on
This broken road I am treading
Full of broken glass
Shackles that tug at my feet
Give me direction once again
Hold my hand through this pain
Sooth the tears that burn my heart
Hold me in your embrace Jesus
Let me rest in your loving arms
This broken road may break me more
If I do not hold onto you Father
Give me grace to forgive
My angered heart
My hurting body
My desolate spirit
My hating mind
Bless this broken road Lord

SUNLESS GARDEN IN MY HEART

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Life will not cease being amazing
Though you have left me here
I am not alone anywhere
Your memories keep me alive
The little memory of you
Holds on so tight in my heart
My soul rejoices
Because you were put inside me
You grew and became strong
Inside my frail humanity
I was trusted to care for you
Until your time to peek at the world came
I protected you as much as I could
Loved you instantly
Without any reserve or conditions or Denial

Life will not cease being beautiful
Though I have cried for you child
I know you cry for me too
For the moments we could have shared
Each laughter we would have adorned
For every kiss I would have given you
All the embraces I should have partook
You held them back in your heart

I know your heart and mine
Are ever present in each other’s subconcious
I know you know me as your mother
You loved me too maybe more than I could
Your tiny embrace you would give
Your presence baby
Is never gone from me
Even as my heart feels like a sunless garden

UNBROKEN PRAISE

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Air I breathe
For you breathed life in me
Filled my nostrils with oxygen
That flows in my blood to keep me alive
I am made in your wondorous works
Jehovah is your name
El shaddai describes you
Addonai is you personified
You are my eternal provider
I praise you LORD
Being the sole reason for my existence
You have given me beauty beyond measure
The sun never stops smiling for me
Moonlight guides me at night
Dear GOD you are everything to me
Your presence is why I am still alive
Your Grace keeps me safe even when I don’t deserve it
I lift my hands to praise you
Knees on the ground to worship you
I am nothing but a speck of dust in your eyes
I give you my unbroken praise
For you have made me a writer

Strength I have
You have strengthened me with your love
Light that guides me comforts my tears
My sins you forgive and embrace me again
Rain falls on both sinner and saint
Earth provides food for me in every season
LORD you protect me from enemies’ arrows
Life has been beautiful every day of my life
I lift your Name high
Be magnified above all creations
I worship you for your goodness
I praise you for your incredible kindness
I give you my unbroken praise
For you have made me a woman

Joy I have
You have joyed in my salvation
I seek your knowledge in wisdom
Walking these lonely paths
I know your presence never leaves
Dear GOD I marvel at your patience with me
I am weak, only human
Yet you walk with me even when I go into darkness
Praise to you will not cease from my lips
I will worship you until my dying days
Father you know my secret pains
You understand I need your Hand to be in mine
So I can escape the valley of the shadow of death
Arms outstretched towards Heaven
I stand in awe of you LORD
Keep me safe I plead
Wash me of my iniquities I beseech thee
Teach me patience
I give you my unbroken praise
For you have made me perfect in Your Eyes

GOD FILTER MY THOUGHTS 5

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Oh Lord filter my thoughts
So do I not give in to this depression
I feel grief engulfing me
Without mercy
Heartache covering my reality
Without consideration
Tears flooding my eyes
Without a care in the world
Filter my thoughts
So they do not end me
Give me strength
To bear the sorrow
And beat this sadness
My thoughts cannot swallow me whole
Even when I let them torture me
With memories that should have been
Memories that could have been created
And memories that were lost
At the beginning of birthing