TAKE

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Take me home. She said. I want to stay with my son. Take me home.

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ETERNALLY A MOTHER

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You may have lost your child
Through
Miscarriage
Stillbirth
Infant death
Child’s death

Your child may have been
Few weeks
Several months
A few years
Many years old

Your child may have
Died in the womb
Died at birth
Committed suicide
Died in an accident
Coldly murdered
Taken away by sickness

You are eternally a mother
You carried that child
Inside your womb
For however long you
Loved him
Loved her
Before death snatched away
Your reason for existing
You are eternally a mother
It is not just an Impression

A NOTORIOUS ACHE

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Nothing is ever the same
Nothing has ever been the same
Everything is ever changing
Everything has ever changed
I feel
A notorious ache
In my heart

Something is ever gone
Something has ever been going
One thing is ever remaining
One thing has ever remained
I feel
A notorious ache
In my mind

Loosing you my baby
Feels like
A notorious ache
That will not go away
From my brokenness within
This Notorious ache
In my heart
In my mind
Refuses to let me be

NOTHING ELSE

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I’m a mother, who has lost her child
I want nothing else, but him

IF I DIE YOUNG

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Do not cry for me when I’m gone
Because I felt no pain of existing
I was never touched by human hurt
I never experienced harsh emotions
Like the hatred sometimes of humanity
I did not experience intense anger
I was never rejected or abandoned
If I die young
Shed no tears for me
Because I am at peace
I will not experience reality of hardship
Nor cry because my heart ailed
I will not feel the intensity of hunger pains
Or the dread of unmet wants
I will not be
In physical, emotional, spiritual pain
If I die young
Before I have breathed on this earth
Know that I still loved you
If you never held me in your arms
Know that I still felt your embrace
If you never kissed my cheeks
Know your warmth I already had
Weep not at my grave
Because I still live in your heart
Wipe those tears I see in your eyes
Unburden that ache I feel in your heart
Take away that grief
I am grieving with you too
If I die young
I know I am still loved by you
Inside the Maze of pain you carry
Know I am still with you

I HAVE LOST

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I have lost faith in myself
I have grown such a fear
Fear of rejection
When you left
Baby when you left
A hole emerged
From the place you said goodbye
What if, I ask
What now, I wonder
How will my pain evolve
Will it break me
Will I be shattered by it

I have already lost faith in myself
I have grown such a dread
Dread of dejection
After you left
Baby after you left
A hollowness emerged
From the place I said goodbye
Where to, I ask
Where now, I wonder
How will my hurt revolve
Will it hurt me
Will I be destroyed by it

I just want to cry
I feel I should cry
So that I stop being afraid
Or being filled with dread
You have left me with only memories
It feels like bricks being thrown at me
Because I have lost
Faith in myself, this Perfumed world

FOR A THOUSAND YEARS

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To God
A day is like
A thousand years
A thousand years
Like a day

I know for the next
A thousand years
You will still remain a part of me
All the few memories
I was allowed to have
Will be neatly inscribed
Into my saddened heart

A thousand years
To come
I will still
Remember your presence in my womb
I will still know
That I loved you without reserve
That I waited for you without impatience
Or doubt

More than
A thousand years
Will pass
Still I will know you are my first
My first love
My first child
My first miracle
My first son
My first unimmesurable love

For
A thousand years
I will wait for you
Love you
Until you are in my arms again
In Heaven where you are