FRACTURED FAITH

Christianity Sorrow Forgiveness Sadness Sad People

I have not been on my knees
I have not said the grace
I have not closed my eyes
I have not whispered
My heart has not sang
My lips have not prayed
My mind has not remembered
My soul refuses to listen
My faith has been fractured
By your loss
I will get back on my knees
I will say the grace again
I will close my eyes once more
I will whisper still
My heart will sing
My lips shall pray
My mind will remember
My soul shall listen
My fractured faith will strengthen
By your Grace Lord

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I WOKE UP PANICKED

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Beads of sweat
Heavy breaths
Pounding heart
Aching soul
Exhausted body
Confused mind
I woke up Panicked
Because you were no longer here

LABRINTH – JEALOUS

I’m jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It’s closer than my hands have been
I’m jealous of the rain
I’m jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It’s closer than your shadow
Oh, I’m jealous of the wind, ’cause

I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There’s nothing to forgive
But I always thought you’d come back, tell me
All you found was heartbreak and misery
It’s hard for me to say,
I’m jealous of the way
You’re happy without me

I’m jealous of the nights
That I don’t spend with you
I’m wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I’m jealous of the nights
I’m jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I’m jealous of the love, ’cause

I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There’s nothing to forgive
But I always thought you’d come back, tell me
All you found was heartbreak and misery
It’s hard for me to say,
I’m jealous of the way
You’re happy without me

As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day
‘Cause all I do is cry behind this smile

I wished you the best of all this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There’s nothing to forgive
But I always thought you’d come back, tell me
All you found was heartbreak and misery
It’s hard for me to say,
I’m jealous of the way
You’re happy without me

It’s hard for me to say,
I’m jealous of the way
You’re happy without me

HEAL

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Standing at a cross road
Feet firmly stamped on the ground
Thoughts wondering
Brain questioning
Do I want this
Healing
From the sadness within
If I don’t feel pain
Does it mean I have forgotten you
Or that I have moved on too fast
Do I need this
Healing
To curve its hold on my heart
Make me feel a little better
Will it mean I am completely fine
That I have stopped searching for you
In my dreams
Should I get this
Healing
Will it cause me to smile again
Then feel guilty being happy
Again
Without you my baby
Dear God
I need to Heal
Maybe then my heart will still
My soul will rest
My body will mend

EMOTIONAL BURNOUT

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My emotions are burnt out. Smoking in desolation. I have let the pain in. It refuses to let go. I’m not doing fine.

GIVE ME A SONG CHILD

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My heart has not sung
Since you said goodbye to me
Silently without waking up
You told me you needed to go
Your time on earth had ended
Before it even began
Lost amidst a rhythmless world
Music has stopped synching
With my soul that is silent
Even birds no longer chirp
Crickets do not sing at night
It is a horrible silence my child
My unborn
Everything is deathly calm
Even my mind is too lost inside its own
Night no longer seems silhouette
My ears have not listened to music
As my heart refuses to let beats in
Through my soul that is deadened
I am afraid to listen to music
Because only painful reminders
Abound surrounding my lonely self
What song can I sing
When my body howls like the wolves
Out of rythm because of loss
Your loss child
Has left me without music
Give me a song child
To take away this grieving insanity

HEART BEAT I NEVER GOT TO HEAR

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It hit me
I will never know what color your eyes were
I will never know what your voice would sound like
I will never know how soft your feet would feel
I will never know what your tears would look like
I will never know how your sleep breathe would feel like
I will never know how our bond would be
I will never know how to walk you to school everyday
Still my child
Without you
I would never have known the beauty of life
If you never existed
Even for a second, a minute
You will never be replaced
As you were my little miracle

I will never know your heartbeat out of my womb
I will never know what your tantrums would be like
I will never know what your fingernails would look like
I will never know your soft lips on my breasts
I will never know your beautiful yawn as you fall asleep
I will never know your fears in nightmares you would have
Still my child
I would never have known the beauty of life
If you never existed
Even for a second, a minute
You will never be replaced
As you were my little miracle

You had
A heartbeat I never got to hear
A cry I never got to soothe
A hunger I never got to satiate
A thirst I never got to quench
A love I never got to satisfy
Though you lay still I Label you
My little miracle