LOVE KEPT IN A PHOTOGRAPH

MY-BABY

I could have held you
I could have loved you
I could have protected you
I could have taught you
I could have scolded you
I could have bathed you
I could have fed you
I could have kissed you
I could have
I should have
You
Wrapped in a white cotton shawl
Woolen baby cap on your head
Eyes tightly shut
Is that a smile I see
Am I dreaming
To imagine you could still hear me
Felt me holding you
Understand I was in love
With every being of mine
This photograph
Has all the love kept in it
It is everything I have of you
I have pushed myself aside
Trying to think I could have talked to you
Only one photograph
One photograph
I will hold for eternity

WISH YOU COULD HAVE CALLED ME MOTHER

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Mother

Mom

Mama

Words so powerful

Heavy with emotion

Glue to every strength

A force that holds hearts

I should have been that

For you my child

I wanted to be everything and more

I wanted to be yours

Your mother

Wish you could have

Called me mother

Eight months

Was all you had

In mommy’s tummy

Every moment

I knew who you were

Every kick

I knew where you were

Every heart beat

I knew what you were

Wish you could have

Called me

Mother

Mom

Mama

 

I HAVE TO CLEAN MY FACE

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Walk out that door

Carrying baggage, heaviness

Yet I have to smile

So no one knows my psyche already gave up

My shadow even resents me

Because I am nothing but a shell

Hollow hollow darkened shell

I have to wash my face

Walk out that door

Like I was never crying

My soul out of its chest

Nobody should see these tears

They should not know

How my h I am breaking down

Falling apart to my knees

With pain I cannot fathom

Why do you have me here

I keep asking my maker

I want to let go

Just so I don’t have to cry

One more grey tear

I have to wipe my face

Walk out that door

Like my mind was never aching

My body screaming

Because pain is more than physical

Should I

Wash, wipe or clean my face

Before I walk out that door

I OWN ALL OF MY TEARS

never

Drunken in deep depression

My will just about giving out

A perfect facade

Of a loss I cannot get over

Take me home father

Let this world not know me anymore

I cannot seem to stop

All these tear drops

From drenching my chest

With memories

Of what could have been

I want to own all of my tears

Maybe then my hurt will stop

As I will never get to sing you a lullaby

 

 

TAKE

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Take me home. She said. I want to stay with my son. Take me home.

MERRY CHRISTMAS MY BOY

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It’s hard to think
That I don’t have you
This Christmas
Our first christmas
You should have been
In my arms
I should have
Been singing for you gingle bells
I would have
Decorated
The Christmas tree with you
I should have
Baked
Gingerbread cookies with you
Merry Christmas my boy

All I want for Christmas
Is you in my arms
To hold and never let go
To create memories with you
On our first Christmas
Wish you were here with me
Wanted so much for us
The whole world
Should
Have been yours my boy
You would have been
A Joy to the world
Mostly joy to me
Merry Christmas my boy

To many more Christmases
That I will have
You will always be
The best gift I could have had
Merry Christmas my boy
Merry Christmas Nathan

CRADLE TO GRAVE

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He was born
Yet his time had not come
Such a young life
Taken so brutally
Only few months
Until he was to take his first breath
Until he was to make his first cry
How life is so frail
An abundance of innocence
Inside a soul that was too raw
His story
From cradle to grave
Was short-lived
He had not even began one chapter
Yet his last chapter was already spelt
Unwritten memories
Were all he left
Unsaid words
Were all he had not
Unheard laughter
Were all that echoed
Promises of eternal love
Promises of forever bliss
Broken
Amidst his cradle to grave story
His life
So short lived
Yet forever changed my own
A forever memory
Etched deep inside my consciousness
I will hold you
When nobody else could
His cradle to grave story
Mine to relive
Until our hearts be mended again