I saw her
Heavy with child
I looked at her
Cuddled with her child
I thought of her
Singing for her child
I remembered her
Singing for her child
My mind will not stop telling me
I want a baby

He’s irreplaceable
My child I lost
Yet I want to hold another
Because I saw her
I looked at her
I thought of her
I remembered her
With child
My heart wants my own
To love and to cherish
Like everyone else does
My soul can’t stop yearning
Telling me
I want a baby
My emotions are Adrift



If we were having coffee, I would tell you to read my baby’s story and then we would talk… over hot bubbling coffee…



When I held you in my womb
I knew you were meant to be
I knew you were real
I understood you would be
Part of me forever
Growing in my belly
I was sure I was blest
Given the privilege to carry you
Faithfully I knew
I would be your mother
When you were sad
When you were happy
When I was sad
When I was happy
You painted in me
The full picture of motherhood
A portrait of enduring love
When I held you in my womb
You were completely part of me
Everything of me you carried
A full resemblance of my eyes
Complete copy of my blood in your veins
You were a potrait
Of what a mother is
You made me a mother
The few seconds I had with you
Bitter sweet moments
I was already a mother
No one can take that away
I am still a mother
Your mother baby



Product Description
Part of the 5-star book series, Grief Diaries: Surviving Loss of a Pregnancy features the stories of mothers seeking to find hope and healing in the aftermath of losing first, second, and third trimester pregnancies and stillbirths. Offering 18 firsthand accounts, readers who share the same path will find comfort and compassion, family and friends will gain better understanding, and professionals will appreciate the rich spectrum of journeys narrated by writers from around the world. Learn more at http://www.GriefDiaries.com. A portion of proceeds from the retail sales of this book is donated to Sufficient Grace Ministries.

“VITAL . . . Grief Diaries: Surviving Loss of a Pregnancy gives voice to the thousands of women who face this painful journey every day. Often alone in their time of need, these stories will play a vital role in surrounding each reader with warmth and comfort as they seek understanding and healing in the aftermath of their own loss.” -JENNIFER CLARKE, obstetrical R.N., Perinatal Bereavement Committee at AMITA Health Adventist Medical Center, founder of Baby Jasmine’s Angel Nursery and advocate of CuddleCots “HEALING . . . Grief Diaries: Surviving Loss of a Pregnancy gives voice to a grief so private, most women bear it alone. These diaries of pregnancy loss can heal hearts and begin to build community and acceptance to speak the unspeakable, to acknowledge each pregnancy loss and the child that would have been. Share this book with your sisters, mothers, grandmothers and friends who have faced the grief of pregnancy loss. Pour a cup of tea together and know that you are no longer alone.” -DIANNA VIAGIANOS ARMENTROUT, Poetry Therapist & Author

About the Author
LYNDA CHELDELIN FELL is an emotional healing expert, award-winning & international bestselling author, and a pioneering visionary dedicated to raising awareness and shedding insight on relevant and stigmatized issues. She is the creator of the 5-star book series Grief Diaries featuring true stories about ordinary people finding healing and hope in the face of extraordinary journeys. Lynda has facilitated community vigils, authored over 18 books and has interviewed Dr. Martin Luther King’s daughter, Trayvon Martin’s mother, sisters of the late Nicole Brown Simpson; Pastor Todd Burpo of Heaven is For Real, CNN commentator Dr. Ken Druck, and other societal newsmakers on finding healing and hope in the aftermath of life challenges. She is a national commentator for multiple news publications, CEO of AlyBlue Media, and board president of the National Grief & Hope Coalition. Learn more at http://www.LyndaFell.com. JENNIFER CLARKE is an obstetrical R.N. and a member of the Perinatal Bereavement Committee at AMITA Health Adventist Medical Center in Bolingbrook, Illinois. She created Baby Jasmine’s Angel Nursery, and raises funds to donate CuddleCots to hospitals nationwide. STEPHANIE MALCOLM and her husband of almost seventeen years have seven young children. Aside from being a busy mother and wife, she volunteers at her children’s school and is passionate about ministering to mothers who have lost a child.




Sometimes they play at my eyes
Sometimes they come in floods
Sometimes they choke me with intensity
Sometimes I fight them back
Yet still
They come
Other times they sooth my soul
Other times they leave me damaged
Other times they breathe anguish inside me
Other times I war them on
Yet still
They come
Often times I feel nothing when crying
Often times I hurt when shedding tears
Often times I let emotions in abruptly
Often times I loathe tears
Yet still
They come
The tears of my grief
Will not let me be
Their grip is too strong to fight
I have no more will to fight them
So I will cry these tears of grief
For you my son
Only for you
Until it stops aching



I used to be happy
Maybe not completely
But I was happy
You were going to be part of my life
After I lost you
I don’t know
How to be happy anymore
I don’t know
Who I am anymore
My confidence is no more
I am afraid of rejection
So I don’t go out
To meet people or life
I never know what to do anymore
Lately baby
I have no grasp of what
A good day is
It all seems like a blur
Your death
Changed my perception of what is fair
Created this fear in me
That I will lose more than myself
My confidence is no more
You were me
Now you are gone
Who am I



I knew you were real
The moment I felt your first kick
It felt strange
Yet exhilarating
Still wonderful
And strange again
I remember feeling my tummy
Then seeing you move about
Bouncing up, down my stomach
It was real
Nothing like I ever imagined
It couldn’t be
Anything I thought it would be
You announced your presence
With those subtle kicks
Excited whenever I put my hand on your soft foot
I couldn’t see
Yet I knew you were so strong
I felt my baby kick and
I knew
I would meet you soon
Now I have a hole
In my heart
Forced to carry on without you
I miss your little kicks
Early morning
Sometimes late evening
Or whenever I was hungry
You were too
How do I get through this
When does it ever not hurt
All I want dear baby
Is to feel your kicks
Once again
How sad, I can never feel…
Hear your kicks again
I miss
I crave for
I cry after
I wish
With all my heart
That I would feel your kicks
Inside my lonely belly