HIS STORY

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If we were having coffee, I would tell you to read my baby’s story and then we would talk… over hot bubbling coffee…

201

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If we were having coffee
I’d tell you that
This is my 201 post
200 posts of my grieving
For my baby boy gone too soon
I feel
The same
Full of questions
Filled with anger
Drowning in regrets
Of why I never held my baby longer
I’d tell you each day is different
Yet some are still the same
On my 201 post
I’d let you know it still hurts
Like it did on 5th January
When my baby’s arms
Left mine
200 posts of pain
200 posts of memories
200 posts of somewhat hope
200 posts
Of how much I miss you
My baby boy Azariah Nathan

A COLD JANUARY DAY

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It’s too hot
Cries
So many cries
Everybody talking at once
Like an old
Black and white movie
Going in slow motion
I watch her
Slowly pull you out of me
She is saying something
I can’t hear her
I only see her holding you
I already know
You are no more
Yet my heart stirred for a sign
They could have been wrong
Yet they are not
It’s a cold January day
Sun is beating up high
Yet it is a cold January
I shiver from the cold
My legs are weak
My belly empty
You are gone
Perhaps it’s a dream
I know it is not
January 5th 2017
A cold cold dark day
If we were having coffee
I would tell you about that day
That day that ended me
That day my body collapsed
My soul was scared for life
A cold January day
When my boy was born
Still, quiet, beautiful beyond imagination

74 DAYS

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Its only been seventy four days
Yet it feels like an eternity
An eternity filled with tears
With tears that have refused to dry up
Dry up so I can stop hurting

Seventy four days it has only been
Still it feels like an everlasting
An everlasting filled with pains
With pains that have refused to clear up
Clear up so I can stop burning

Only seventy four days have passed
But it feels like a forever
A forever filled with brokenness
With brokenness that has refused to end up
End up so I can stop mourning

Seventy four days of my life
Drenched in darkest nights
Stamped and delivered to my soul
To my soul that aches for redemption
Time has stood still, too long

If we were having coffee
I’d tell you that
It’s only been seventy four days
Since my boy left this earth
This earth is now empty

Seventy four days
Of nothing but hollowness
I horribly miss you my child
I wish I had those 74 days with you

YOU KNOW ME

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If we were having coffee
I would let the silence be okay
Because you know me
You know my pain
You understand my grief
You feel my loss
You get my frequent tears
You know me
So if we were having coffee
I would not have to say a word
Because it is you
I am having coffee with

COFFEE THERAPY WITH FRIENDS

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If we were having coffee
I’d tell you I have missed you
My best friends
Gladys. M .
Brenda. O .
Winnie. N .
Brenda. L .
I know I have been distant
I feel I have nowhere to begin
To explain how grief has changed me
I don’t know how to share my pain with you
I feel lost in these foreign emotions
Sadness comes and goes
Yet I am stuck in this limbo
If we were having coffee
I’d tell you, you are my therapy
Seeing you makes me calmer
Gives me a sense of direction
Lets me know I am not alone
With you holding my hand
I can never be alone
We should go for that coffee date
Laugh again like old times
Even when laughter seems so far away
I know in your hugs I feel better
Let us have that coffee
Then I can tell you how I have missed you
I need my coffee therapy with friends

COFFEE STAINS ON THE COASTER

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If we were having coffee
I would stare at the coffee stain
On the empty mug of coffee
Sitting on a single coaster
Legs crossed on the black and red sofa
Arms around my chest
Thinking of the conversations we would have had
The laughter we would have shared
How much love would have surrounded us
Sipping hot coffee
Within inches of each other over the table
If we were having coffee
I would tell you about my day
You would laugh at my less than funny jokes
Still you would laugh
Because mummy’s jokes are always funny
I would relish in your presence
Bask in your unconditional love
Knowing you had me wrapped around your little finger
If we were having coffee
I would let you add another spoonful of sugar
To your already sweet cup
Just to give in to your begging eyes
Let the coffee spill just a little
So we can see what pattern the coffee creates on the table
If we were having coffee…
We’ll never have coffee my boy