Nobody said it would hurt
When your love was not returned
Nobody said it would break you
When he did not love you back
Nobody said it would feel raw
When he never said he loved you
Nobody said it would pain
When he remained silent
Nobody said it would cause chaos
When he did not share your feelings
Nobody said it would drown you
When you loved alone
Nobody said it would end in tears
When he did not hold your heart
Nobody said it would destroy you
When he did not embrace you
Nobody said it would make you hate
When he did not hold your heart
Nobody said it would make you cry
When he did not touch your soul
Nobody said
Nobody ever says
You are left to cry alone
You are left to weep silently
You are left to bare loss
You are left to feel hurt
You are left to writhe pain
You are left holding your heart
You are left tying your shoestring
You are left hugging yourself
When he leaves
Even though
He was never yours




Today is my birthday baby
How should I celebrate today
When you are not with me
I am to celebrate adding another year
It feels like you gone
Has taken another year from me
I wish you could be there
To say
“Happy Birthday Mother”
All I hear are echoes of my sorrow



I never imagined
What life would be without you
I always imagined
You would be here with me
The thought never occurred to me
That I would no longer
Have you in my arms
I never imagined
How it would feel like
If you didn’t exist
I thought I would die if you left me
Yet my heart kept on beating
To forever live with this pain
I didn’t choose
To survive without you
Now I have to exist
Knowing you are no longer here
If love could have saved you
If sacrifice could have kept you
If tears could bring you back
If kisses could make you stay
You would still be alive
I would choose you



I sit amidst all of them
Laughter is in the air
I keep thinking
I keep imagining
That should have been me
Celebrating you
On your baby shower



If we were having coffee
I would stare at the coffee stain
On the empty mug of coffee
Sitting on a single coaster
Legs crossed on the black and red sofa
Arms around my chest
Thinking of the conversations we would have had
The laughter we would have shared
How much love would have surrounded us
Sipping hot coffee
Within inches of each other over the table
If we were having coffee
I would tell you about my day
You would laugh at my less than funny jokes
Still you would laugh
Because mummy’s jokes are always funny
I would relish in your presence
Bask in your unconditional love
Knowing you had me wrapped around your little finger
If we were having coffee
I would let you add another spoonful of sugar
To your already sweet cup
Just to give in to your begging eyes
Let the coffee spill just a little
So we can see what pattern the coffee creates on the table
If we were having coffee…
We’ll never have coffee my boy



I never stop
Imagining who you would have become
Thinking who you would take after
Wondering what you would have loved
I never stop
Imagining which song you would have loved
Thinking which toy you would take a liking to
Wondering which food you would have loved
I never stop
Imagining what word you would have said first
Thinking what would have been your first cry
Wondering what you would have loved to hug
I never stop
Imagining you in my arms
Thinking of you on my laps
Wondering of you on my bossom
I never stop
Imagining giving you a bath
In Lukewarm water
Thinking washing you
In Blue bubbles
Wondering playing with you
In your tiny bath tub
I never stop
About you my baby