LEAVING THE HOSPITAL WITHOUT YOU

I remember it
Like it was just now
Carrying everything I owned
In my basin
My clothes
My juices
My fruits
They had brought to visit me in hospital
Walking out and looking back
At that maternity ward
I hated that ward
I hated the smell of the hospital
I hated all the cries I heard
From babies that were born
I hated the laughter in that ward
Of those who congratulated them
For having what I did not have
My baby
I hated the doctors in that ward
I knew it was not their fault
Still I hated
I hated it all
Because I was empty
My arms were empty
I was leaving without you my baby
I could hear their whispers as I walked by
They knew what I knew
She lost her baby
Sighs of sympathy
Faces with sorrow for me
I wanted to run
But I was in pain
Pain from labour that yielded nothing
Pain from stitches that hurt
Pain from a wounded heart
I was empty
My arms were empty
Leaving the hospital without you child
Is the worst day of my life
I still feel that emptiness
I still live with that anger
I still hate that ward
It took you away from me
Then I had to leave you there
Before coming back
To take you away
And bury you
I left the hospital empty
Nothing has been able to replace you
Nothing, no one, ever will
Because you were my life, my forever
I can never escape it, this emptiness
As it’s a constant reminder of all that was lost
I will never forget that feeling
Of leaving the hospital without you baby